It feels good to feel good....

Today is a good day. The weather is absolutely perfect and life just seems good.
For the first time in a very, very long time I'm actually feeling more like myself and it feels so good. I didn't realize just how much the physical toll that I've gone through in the last year has affected my emotional well being as well.

For the first time in a very long time, I actually woke up feeling rested and I realized just how grateful I am to not be pregnant anymore. I feel like I've actually been getting more rest with my newborn than I did when I was pregnant and in so much pain from the polyhydramnios that I could barely sleep at night.  Granted, my days are very busy and exhausting between dealing with a very fussy baby (yes, he's no walk in the park like Asher was) and a very active 14 month old, but just not being pregnant anymore seems to make it all seem so much easier. I think the difference is that now I feel like my ability to do things revolves more around if the kids are up for it, rather than if I'm up for it. When I was pregnant, I always felt like I was holding our family back from having fun just because I felt horrible and couldn't do much. Now, it feels so good to know that I can take the boys on a walk to the park and not have to turn back a couple of blocks down the street because my joints are in to much pain to make it the short mile there and back. I never realized until I've started feeling better these past few weeks just how much I took my physical well being for granted.

To go along with that, I've realized just how much my physical well being is tied into my emotional well being. Just feeling more like myself physically has done so much for how I feel emotionally as well. So many days I feel like such a failure as a mom as I try to give both of my boys the love and attention that they need. At the end of the day though, I know that I've done my best and that many of these feelings of failure are normal and I've learned to be okay with that. When I look back on the several months before Atley was born though, I feel so sad, because I felt like I was constantly beating myself up and feeling like Asher was missing out on so much just because I wasn't feeling well and rarely got him out to do anything fun. I felt like such a failure as a mom, but in a different sense, because I had more time to shower him with all the love and attention in the world, but my physical state held me back because I was so exhausted from all the pain I was in that I didn't feel like I had much left to give to him. Now, my time is a lot more limited with two small children, but I feel so grateful that at least the time I have can have more quality to it.

All that to say, I'm truly enjoying this season of feeling more like myself and am thanking God for my good health. This may just be a new form of birth control.  Not being pregnant anymore has definitely given me a new lease on life, although, my sweet little Atley is worth every single second of everything I could ever complain about. Speaking of the little booger, he's getting big!  See for yourself....

Introducing Atley Clyde

Our little guy has finally arrived, and I'm so happy to report that for the first time in what feels like forever I am no longer pregnant! Woo-hoo!

Atley Clyde was born on Friday morning at 9:50 am weighing 8 lbs. 3 oz. All went well, except for the doctors shoes got soaked and ruined during the surgery due to the extra massive amount of amniotic fluid that went gushing all over the table and floor in the operating room when my water broke. Funny stuff. This kid looks just like his big brother did when he was a newborn. It's really cute! We sure do know how to make hairy babies!

We're still in the hospital now. Going on day 5, so as you can imagine we're pretty stir crazy. At the last weight check Atley had lost 12% of his birth weight and had elevated bilirubin levels, so we're hoping all is better today and we can go home. Either way, I will be discharged later this afternoon, so we're just praying that we won't have to go home and leave the baby here. I'm feeling pretty optimistic that things will look up and we'll all be leaving together though. I'm excited to start living life as a family of 4.

Asher's doing great and having so much fun with my mom. He still doesn't really have a clue about what's going on. He does seem pretty annoyed if he comes to visit us at the hospital and the baby starts crying though. It's funny to watch him get impatient and annoyed because someone other than him is crying.

Without further ado, here are some pics of our sweet little guy:

Meeting Atley for the first time

Asher meeting his little brother. He wasn't so sure what he thought of this invader.

Our first family photo!

Can you tell that I'm totally smitten with this kid?

Steve thinks he's okay to.

Still Pregnant

Well, I made it. August 4th is here and I'm still pregnant, much to the surprise of my doctor. It looks like my gut feeling was right that this little guy was gonna stick around in my belly until we gave him the official eviction notice. I'm so glad I didn't change the date of my c-section as recommended, so that my boy could have all the extra time in there that he needed. Naturally though, I am very ready to get this kid out of me. Pregnancy has taken it's toll (especially this last week and half) and I'm ready to be done.

This experience has been so different than the last, mostly in the fears I have going into this as a mother of 2. When I had Asher I had fear, but to such a lesser extend. I was scared of being a new mom, all that change, and taking care of a newborn. Then, all I really had to do is remind myself that women had been doing this for centuries and that if all those teen moms out there could figure it out, then of course I had to be more than capable. I saw that although my fears were valid, they were somewhat ridiculous.

This time around though, I have so many fears that seem so much more realistic. Namely, how am I going to take care of a newborn and give my 1 year old all the attention he needs and deserves? I'm more scared for Asher than I am the new baby. Pregnancy as a mommy has been rough. These last few months I've felt so bad because I feel like I haven't been meeting Asher's needs like I should be. I no longer crawl around on the floor with him, but instead have become the mom that sits on the couch and says "hey baby, if you bring that book to me I'll read it to you", because I really just don't have the energy to get up and be as interactive. I get it, there's not a lot I can do at this stage in the game, but I'm so afraid that once this baby gets here my Asher will feel so neglected. I just don't know how I'm going to do it, and almost daily ask myself what we were thinking when we decided to have kids back to back. I'm so, so excited for this new baby, but so scared that I just won't be able to handle all the stress that comes with parenting two so close in age.

I guess when it all comes down to it, I'm just so afraid of failing as a mom. I want my kids to be the best they can be and be raised knowing just how loved and valued they are, but I'm so afraid that I'll be so stressed that they'll just feel lost in the shuffle. I have 24 hours before this new adventure begins and all I can think of is that I'm just not ready. I feel so unequipped and full of fear that I'm finding it hard to even begin to comprehend what these next few years  have in store for us. I keep hoping that all of these feelings are just from all of the crazy pregnancy hormones and that within a week or two I'll have all this great new perspective, but reality (and every single person that seems to feel the need to keep reminding me) is whispering in my ear that life is about to get very difficult.

My greatest prayer these days is just that God would give me all the grace I need to be the best mom I can be to these precious boys.

On the up side, I'm so overwhelmed with how crazy life is about to get, that I haven't even really had time to think about the fact that my stomach is about to get it's 3rd slice and dice of the year (1 c-section, 1 appendix removal thus far). Surprisingly, that's really the farthest stress on my mind these days, so I guess that's a good thing.

Asher turns 1!

I can't believe my little boy is 1! Okay, I might be a few weeks late on the birthday post since his birthday was the 4th of July, but life has been pretty hectic here and I didn't even have a chance to download any of his birthday pictures to the computer until today.
I was feeling really dizzy and lightheaded this morning, and come to find out when I went in for my OB appointment my blood pressure was super low (82/50), so I've been ordered to sit back and take it easy this afternoon. It's easier said than done with a little one, but he's helping out by taking an extra long nap, which is nice, so I figured it was a good time to put my feet up and catch up on the ol' blog.

Here's our little guy on his big first birthday

 And a family photo to celebrate the big day:

I can't believe he has grown so much and just last year he was teeny tiny! It's true that time flies once you start having kids!
Asher is now walking all over the place and I'm having a hard time keeping up with him. This kid is so independent and outgoing that it's sometimes a little scary. I'm trying to soak up every special moment that we have together now, because I know that in about 2 1/2 weeks (hopefully not any earlier than that) my attention will be divided. I think Asher senses that things are about to change to, as he's been all into needing snuggles before he goes to sleep lately.

Everything else is good on the homefront, although life's been a bit crazy. Steve was in another car accident - the second one within a month where someone has run into him. So, he's been driving a rental for the last week and a half while the Subaru is in the shop. His car was pretty messed up in the back, so we're just happy that he's safe and okay!
We finally got new exterior doors on our house and it's definitely upped the curb appeal from what we had previously. Jeff did a great job installing them! I'm so glad to have the project marked off our list.
Despite being hugely pregnant and uncomfortable, I've actually been feeling SO much better than I had been in the previous few months. Looks like some of the extra amniotic fluid has gone down, which is really good news! I've been able to back off from all of the extra testing I was doing a couple time a week and only have to go in once a week now. It's been so nice! I never imagined that I'd feel better at the end of pregnancy than I did for my second trimester and first half of the third. It's just nice to walk again without feeling like I'm going to collapse from all the horrible pain I had been feeling.
We're set to meet our latest addition on August 5th, although my doctor is convinced that I'll go early. I'm not so convinced, so at this point don't want to change the date of my c-section.  I guess the worst that can happen is that my water would break and we'd still do a c-section anyway, so either way this baby is coming. I'd like to give him as much time as possible to bake in my big ol' oven!

That's it for now!

Then and Now....

This photo was taken exactly one year ago today:

 And this one was taken today:

As it seems, not a lot has changed. Except for the fact that in the first photo I was a couple days overdue with Asher, and in this one I still have 35 (but who's counting?) whole days to go and still look and feel like a beluga whale.
I did the calculations this morning, and by the time I've had this baby I will have been pregnant for 610 of the last 730 days. Needless to say, I'm ready to give my body a break! I'm also really excited to be able to bend down and tie my shoes while I continue to breathe. I've pretty much forgotten what that feels like.

So, how is my little guy? We'll see when I go in today, but at my appointment on Monday he was doing really well! I still have way to much amniotic fluid, but the good news it that the levels haven't gone up  much in the last 2 weeks. We are very relieved! For now, I still have to go in to be monitored twice a week, but I'm hoping that maybe because the fluid levels have been looking good that we'll be able to scale it back to just once a week. I've actually been feeling a lot better this past week to, minus a cold I've had. I'm not in quite as much excruciating pain when I walk, although, these last few days I've been feeling that end of pregnancy exhaustion where all I want to do is sleep. I'll take being tired any day over the pain I was feeling every time I moved though. Hopefully it will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Speaking of babies, my super sweet friend Sara is hopefully having one right now! They were breaking her water this morning and hopefully that will put her into labor! Wahoo, can't wait to have another Kavy Baby join the world!

We're back! Actually, we've been back for a few days now, but I've just been trying (quite unsuccessfully) to catch up on life. We had such a great time visiting my family, but it's so, so good to be home. There's just something about traveling with a baby that makes life a lot more stressful. Maybe it's just our baby, but regardless,  we're ready to stay close to home for awhile.

We had such a great time visiting with family that we haven't seen in awhile. For most of them, it's been years. I still can't believe that so many of our out of state family made the trek to Montana to visit us while we were there. 

Our biggest priority for the trip was spending time with my 94 year old grandma. I really wanted her to meet Asher. The reality is that at her age, everytime we say goodbye I know in my heart it could be for the lat time. Unfortunately, my great aunt bobbie passed away just 2 weeks before we got to town, so it was a little sad not having her at our family functions.

Here's some of my favorite memories from our trip.....

Spending time with the Eisenharts and the Kavanaghs. I love these guys so much! I was so glad that Sam & Sara were able to make it up from Bozeman while we were in town. Can't wait to see the newest addition to the Kavy family in just a few weeks!

My mom soaked up every single second with Asher. It was nice for us, cause we got a break! We went out on dates and double dates with Andy & Mandie quite a few times while we were home after Asher went to bed and Mom was on babysitting duty. 

Asher hanging out with great grandma. He also got to meet his second cousin Allan  (named after my grandfather) who came to visit from Washington.

Funny picture - Andy & Mandie are trying to make Asher laugh, and grandma is blinking but it looks like she's sleeping. This is the best family picture we could muster up.

Asher absolutely LOVED his Uncle Andy and Auntie Mandie. They are going to make such great parents someday.

Our last day in Montana after all the hoards of  family had come and gone.  I still can't believe how much snow there was in the mountains. Hopefully it won't flood once it melts like has been predicted. My mom lives just 1/4 of a mile away from the big Flathead River, so it could mean very bad things for her.

__________________________________________________________________________________
So that was our trip. So great, but so tiring. Now it's time to get back into the swing of life here in Madison and prepare for this baby.  Just 7 weeks left. I have had no nesting instinct whatsoever thus far, so I'm trying to get my butt in gear and get ready for this little guy to join us. I felt so accomplished yesterday when I washed the newborn inserts for the carseat. I still have a long ways to go, but at least most of it will hopefully be easy stuff. I checked in with the doctor as soon as I got back into town and my levels of amniotic fluid hasn't really changed much in the last week, so that's actually a good thing. There's still way to much fluid there. but at least it's not growing so rapidly. I had understood when I talked to the doctor before I left that I would be going in for weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests, but I found out this week that I'll actually have to be going in twice a week from here on out unless things drastically improve. I've been super frustrated about this as it's not easy when I have Asher to care for, but really, whatever it takes to make sure our little guy is safe is worth every inconvenience to me.
That's it from our end!

Good New, Bad News

The good news is that I had my ultrasound on Friday and the baby is not nearly as huge as feared. He's a pound over average, which is nothing to be concerned about. The bad news is that I'm measuring so far ahead for an unfortunate reason. Apparently I have a condition call Polyhdramnios that affects less than 1% of pregnancies. Basically, this means that there's way to much amniotic fluid in there.
At this point, a bigger baby would be a more welcoming idea.
There could be several reasons for all this extra fluid, although most commonly it happens when the mother is diabetic or carrying twins - which neither one of those apply to me. The next most logical conclusion is normally that there's a blood incompatibility or that the baby has a defect in the central nervous system that prevents it from swallowing the amniotic fluid. Then, of course, it could all just be a for some strange unknown reason. I'm praying, that that's the case.

In any event, these next few months should be a little intense. Thankfully, my OB is still allowing us to take our trip to Montana in a few days, providing that I check in with a doctor there. Lucky for me, I have a friend there that happens to be an OB. The day after we get back I'll have to go in for another ultrasound and non-stress test and that will be my life every week until this baby comes. Lots of ultrasounds and lots of tests. Preterm labor is also a big possibility with this condition, so I'm praying that our little guy will stay in there as long as possible.

As much as I'm so bummed that all of this is happening, as weird as it sounds, I do feel a little bit of relief in knowing that I'm not quite as much of a wuss as I thought. This whole pregnancy has been so uncomfortable so far and I've had such horrible back and stomach pain these past few weeks.  The doctor said that severe back and abdominal pain normally accompanies this condition, so at least that makes me feel a little better. I also was warned that I most likely will swell up like a balloon closer towards the end, something to look forward to, right? :)

All that to say, I'm totally bummed. For some reason this is so much harder for me to swallow than it was when we were told that Asher might have down syndrome when I was pregnant with him. At least in that pregnancy, I knew there was a possibility that our son might have some developmental delays, but I didn't really ever worry much about bringing him safely into this world. I keep reading all of these things about preterm labor and stillborn babies that often comes with this condition and I can't help but lay awake at night feeling scared for our little boy in my belly. I'm just being honest with how I feel.

Still though, there is a possibility that all of this is nothing and I just have a ton of extra fluid in there. For now, that's what I remind myself and keep choosing to trust in God no matter what the outcome. Some days that's easier said than done, but I'm still digesting everything as it was only just Saturday night when  my doctor called me.

Anyway, so that's that. I've had a lot to process these last few days as I've been bombarded with information from my doctor. I'm very thankful that my new OB is so thorough and detailed with explaining everything, since I'm such a detail freak.

Sorry for all the posts lately about kids and pregnancy. That seems to be my life these days. Hopefully soon we'll be on to happier subjects than bad pregnancy news for one boy, and swallow studies for the next. Just keeping things exciting here. :)

There's nothing really significant about this picture,  I just thought my boy was being extra cute this week!

No time to blog lately. Here's what we've been up to.

- Went to my friend Diana's wedding last Saturday. Her son Rafael is just 2 days younger than Asher and they're best buds, so Diana wanted us to bring Asher to the wedding rather than get a babysitter. He was great, but stayed up till 10:30 that night partying at the reception and then at 2:30 am decided he was up for the day. How exhausting! The later this kid goes to bed, the earlier he gets up. It's so strange to me. Needless to say, we've already found a babysitter for Mike & Aleesha's wedding in a couple weeks.  We're not going through this again!

- I took Asher to the hospital for his swallow study on Wednesday. What an ordeal! I didn't really know what to expect as the only information I got was that the specialist was going to watch him eat. What they failed to tell me was that they were going to watch him eat while they took X-rays. For 2 hours.  I was not happy that they failed to mentioned about the x-rays. It was traumatizing for me and Asher. Because of pregnancy and the radiation from the x-rays, I couldn't stay with him and feed him myself as planned, so he had all these strangers in lab coats standing around him trying to get him to eat in a dark room and they wondered why he wouldn't cooperate.  I felt so bad for my little guy. It was horrible to not be able to be with him through all this and just hear him scream from down the hall. Needless to say, it was a giant waste of time as the results were inconclusive because he was so upset that he wouldn't really eat more than 2 bites and so they didn't get any good x-rays. It was a rough day for both of us.

- Today we get to go see this not so little baby growing in my tummy. I'm excited! Even with all the special targeted ultrasounds we had to have when I was pregnant with Asher, I don't believe any of them  happened when I was this far along with my pregnancy. This little guy is pretty much fully developed, so I'm excited to see him and anxious to hear if he's really as huge as the doctors seem to think he is. If so, it might make feel just a little bit better about having to have another c-section. Embracing that has been a struggle for me my entire pregnancy.

Along with all this hugeness, I've become rather creative with trying to entertain Asher. My latest invention is a modified form of peekaboo. All I have to do is slouch down on the couch and I can perfectly hide my head behind my belly to play some peek-a-boo with him. It works and he thinks it's hilarious that I can hide behind my tummy. Oh the joys of looking like a whale!

Week at a glance

It's been a busy week around here!

- Went to the doctor last week and this baby is measuring way huge, so we had to schedule an ultrasound to see what's going on in there with all this crazy growth.  I also failed my 1 hour gestational diabetes test, so had to go back on Friday for the big 3 hour test where they take my blood over 4 different intervals of time. Getting all that blood taken out of me was not so fun, but oddly enough, it was kind of nice to have a break for a few hours. Steve took some time off work to watch Asher while I sat in the waiting room of the doctors office all morning. I ended up seeing 2 other pregnant friends that were in for their appointments so got to chat with them for awhile and then caught up on a few shows on hulu. It was surprisingly rather nice! I got news yesterday that I passed this test with flying colors, so no gestational diabetes for me - yea!

- Our mini-van shopping trip was successful! I really thought I'd hate having a mini-van, but it's so roomy and convenient that I'm loving it so far.

- We had a little fun while we were in the windy city as well. Or course, we stopped by Ikea. I'm getting so much better with my shopping there, we hardly came home with anything - that's good news! We also went to Medievel Times. I had never been there, but heard from a few people that it was a lot of fun. I thought it was just okay, but Asher loved it! He was so entertained by watching the horses and the knights and was clapping his hands in delight the whole show!

- Asher had his 9 month appointment (yes, actually he's almost 10 months). He's looking good and healthy at 23 pounds! He's still having a hard time eating solid foods. I guess it must be because of the tongue thrusting issues he had early on, so we'll be sending him to a feeding specialist sometime in the near future so we can try and figure out what is going on. All along, I haven't really stressed much about these feeding issues, but I'm starting to feel the stress more now. I think just because in only 3 months we'll have another baby to care for and the thought of that is overwhelming in itself. I really hope we can get these problems resolved before the next baby gets here so that feeding Asher isn't such a source of stress for both him and me.

That's it from our neck of the woods.  Exciting? I think not.

All is well here is snowy Wisconsin. I think everyone's a little on edge because we're all so ready for Spring to get here.

Steve and I have been doing some major spring cleaning hoping that it will speed the nice weather up a bit. We've sold most everything that we put on craigslist in less than a week and have already made $390.00. People are weird, one guy actually paid us more for a file cabinet than what we were asking. Another lady showed up to buy our entertainment center and a saw a bookcase in our "to be put out on bulk trash day" section of the garage and decided she wanted that. We told her she could just have it and she insisted on paying us some money anyway. I didn't expect any of that! It feels good to be getting rid of stuff though and clearing the clutter. It's encouraged both Steve and I so much that we're constantly evaluating what we do and don't need that's laying around the house.

Next up is trying to organize Asher's closet and make room for baby #2. I can't believe that in just 9 months we've already acquired 4 bins of clothes that are siting out in our garage. We're really hoping it will work for them to share a room, but if not, at least we have the option of using the guest room. How do you all organize your baby clothes? I'm looking for some kind of system that works and doesn't drive me crazy. I just don't know how we'll fit everything for both boys in one closet.

On to other baby news.....I just can't believe how quickly I got just so huge this time. I'm already so uncomfortable from pregnancy and feel like a blimp. I can't believe I still have 3 months to go.
Here I am a few days ago at 24 weeks, but feeling more like 34 weeks.

And just for fun, check out how cute this kid is getting (taken last week on one of the few sunny days we've had)!

Outnumbered 3 to 1

Well, the results are in and there's no question about it - it's a BOY! Asher is gonna have so much fun with a younger brother so close to his age! Because of the time of year that both of them will be born, it looks like they'll be going to kindergarten together to!

I'm super happy that we don't have to buy any clothes - yes, Miss Practical, I am! I kinda thought we were having a girl, but wasn't surprised at all when we heard boy. The pregnancies have just been so similar, and even though I thought it was a girl, I knew that realisically it was more likely to be a boy than girl.

It's been an up and down week around here. Most exciting moment of the last week - meeting cute little baby Teddy for the first time! He's so cute and seeing him made me SO excited to have another little teeny tiny baby of our own soon!
Tim and Amanda also came up to visit for the weekend and it was so fun to see them. Everytime we have friends from St. Louis here it makes me realize just how much we miss all of our friends back home. I'm so grateful though that we have made so many wonderful friends here in Madison, and I know that eventually one day once we move on we'll be missing all of these friends to. Such is life!

The down side of our week - our little man is working on a tooth that I can barely see. Hopefully it will just pop through some day because these last few days have been miserable for Asher and myself. I just feel so bad that he's in pain and wish there was more I could do to help. In the meantime though, the rocking chair has become my home in the middle of the night. Why is it that when babies are teething it seems to hurt them most at night? So puzzling. I don't remember the other two teeth really bothering Asher much at all except for a day or so, so this long drawn out process has been rough on us all!
Speaking of the little bugger, he's summoning me now. Gotta go!

just a boring update on life

Not a whole lot to write about here.

Here's the week in a nutshell:

- Steve got called up for jury duty yesterday, which means he'll be on a boring civil case for the next two weeks with a hefty salary of $24.00 per day. I get it, its our civic duty, but it sure is a pain in the butt.

- I took Asher to his 6 month appointment this morning(yes, he's 7 1/2 months old, we're a little behind here) and he's now considered "tall" at his whopping 29" inches! Don't know how that happened since both of our families are rather short.

- Our other little baby is doing great. If you recall, I had some special tests run on my heart a few weeks back and we were so happy to get the report from my doctor that there are no major problems, just a little murmur. I wasn't really worried about it in the first place, but good news is always good.
As far as other good news, we got the results from our Nuchal Translucency screening test. This is the test that caused so much worry in my last pregnancy when they thought that Asher might have down syndrome. At the time, they told me that with every pregnancy my chance would be so much greater that the baby could have down syndrome. I wasn't really worried about this test this time, I think my heart had been prepared enough with Asher to be able to handle whatever the news was that we got. That being said, I knew our odds were higher for "bad numbers" this time around. Oh how the tables turned though when the genetic counselor called and said that the chance of us having a baby with down syndrome this time was 1 in 10,0000! WOW! Such a change.  I don't remember the exact number with Asher, but I know it was less than a 1 in 40 chance, so I guess somehow my genetic makeup has changed in the last year.

- Steve cut his thumb pretty badly at work last week and had to go in for stitches. I swear, we have spent more time in the ER this last year than we ever have in our entire life.

- My belly is starting to get really big. I can't really fit into my normal clothes anymore, but my maternity pants are still to big. I hate this weird stage of pregnancy. Sweat pants it is!

So, that's what's happening in our extremely boring, yet exciting (in the unfortunate ways) lives.

Ultrasounds, ultrasounds

I've spent a lot of time at the hospital these last few days. Nothing serious though. Friday I went to get some tests run on my heart.
My new doctor has been concerned about a heart murmur that I've had since I was a baby. Apparently it sounded abnormally "murmusish?" at my last appointment, so she ordered up an echo cardiogram for me.  Nothing to exciting, just a bunch of extensive tests run on my heart. Thank God for good insurance or I'm sure we'd be paying this one off for awhile! A team of cardiologists will look over the results this week and I should have some answers soon. Really, I'm not worried about it at all though and I'm sure it's nothing.

This morning we had our 13 week ultrasounds and blood tests for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 13 and 18. This was the big one that caused so much concern and worry when I had Asher. We met with the same genetic counselor we did last time and she remembered us and was so happy to see our healthy little boy! Basically the story's the same.  I should get my blood test results back sometime toward the end of the week or the beginning of next week. Everything looked great on the ultrasound (ironically, the ultrasound tech remembered us to because we had to have so many specialized ultrasounds last time) and the baby's neural tube measurements were right in the average where they were supposed to be. Such great news about that! It looks like our next little baby will be a thumb sucker! The little cutie was sucking its thumb almost the entire ultrasound. So cute!

Strangely enough, I'm not really worried about this test at all either, even though when I was pregnant with Asher the genetic team warned me that with each passing year and pregnancy our chance for having a baby with down syndrome would grow. I just feel like everything will be okay and know that my heart will be able to handle whatever comes our way. I feel like I was able to really prepare myself with the news we got in my last pregnancy and kind of got all of the worrying out of my system then. This is so not like me, as worry has always been something that I've struggled, so I know it must be God working on my heart in this area.

I've just been feeling so overwhelmed lately with God's goodness to us. I feel so grateful for all the of the blessings He's given us. He truly has answered all of our prayers and my heart is so full of thanks.

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.    James 1 :17

Life and babies and all that jazz....

Hello world. One would think my New Year's resolution was to NOT blog. That is not the case, we've just had a lot going on and honestly, I've just been tired so it's been on the bottom of my priority list and I'm just fine with that.

So what's going on with us you might ask? Asher is huge, 6 1/2 months now and loving the solid food journey! I'm afraid our little boy might have an appetite like his dad and I'm expecting our grocery bills to skyrocket with every passing year.
Steve's still working his butt off and coming home exhausted every night.
I'm still doing the stay at home mom gig and love it. I haven't been getting out of the house much, but am working on that. It's just so hard to get motivated when it's so darn cold outside.

My waist continues to expand, but I can't blame it entirely on eating to many goodies over the holiday's.  Yep, I'm knocked up again and we are all so excited around here! I went to meet my new OB a couple of weeks ago thinking I was just 5 or so weeks along, but it turns out this baby has been in my belly for awhile now (12 1/2 weeks to be exact).

Apparently I got pregnant the week before my appendix ruptured and it never showed up on the pregnancy test they gave me at the hospital before they started my IV and whisked me off to surgery. I guess our little baby is quite the fighter to have survived such an ordeal. I never even fathomed that I was pregnant for those few weeks after my surgery, because anytime I felt bad I blamed it on my appendix and never realized there could have been something else going on. My first inclination that I could be pregnant was when I got really bad heartburn a few days before Christmas. Heartburn seems to be a staple with pregnancy for me.

Anyway, so Asher will be a big brother sometime around the end of July just after he turns one. I'm so thankful. As crazy as it sounds, we prayed that I would be able to pregnant as soon as the doctor gave us the okay, and our prayers have been answered!

So that's what's new in our neck of the woods.

The Birth Story....

Caution: this is long!

It was Saturday afternoon. I was feeling pretty miserable and asked Steve to go to the store and get some spicy food to make me some enchiladas for lunch, hoping that maybe it would bring about labor. Little did I know....

After lunch I went down to the basement guest room to lay down for a few minutes and suddenly felt like I had wet my pants. I stood up to run to the bathroom and immediately felt a gush and yelled up to Steve that I was pretty sure my water had just broken. I hadn't been having any contractions to indicate that labor was on the way, so I was pretty surprised by all of this.

I immediately called our midwife and she told me to hurry my way on in to the hospital. We got to the hospital and because I had tested positive for strep B, I immediately was hooked up to an IV. The midwife checked me and I still was only dilated 1 cm. She suggested inserting some cervadil into my cervix to soften things up a bit and hopefully help me dilate more.

I was hesitant at first, because I really didn't want to take any measures to speed things along, but because my water had broken and I was showing no signs of labor the midwife thought this was the best way to go. Within 20 minutes of getting the cervidal I was having contractions just 3 and 4 minutes apart and they were SO painful - mostly I felt them in my back. Also, I got really nauseated. With every contraction I had to vomit and it wasn't long before the enchiladas were out of my system and I was throwing up the acid in my stomach. So not fun.

Around 6:00 pm I really started to feel the pain and was having a hard time breathing through the contractions. I tried sitting, standing, laying down, walking, and bouncing on the exercise ball. Steve was so great and so supportive through it all as were the nurses in the birthing center. Finally, one of the nurses suggested I get in the whirlpool tub and that seemed to help a little bit, so I hung out there for the next 3 hours.

Still vomiting, my contractions were lasting about a 1 minute and were still 3 minutes apart.

Finally, the next morning at 8:00 am the midwife suggested we check my progress to see how dilated I was. I was so discouraged that I had only made it to 4 centimeters. It was at that point that the midwife became concerned that labor would not progress unless we helped it out a bit. I wouldn't have been that big of a deal if my water hadn't broken the afternoon before, but they normally like to have the baby out within 24 hours of the water breaking. So, it was decided, much to my dismay that I go on pitocin to speed things up. I was so nervous about this as I've heard the statistics and that many times pitocin leads to a c-section, but because it really was medically necessary we didn't really have much of a choice.

At this point I was going on 17 hours of labor, still vomiting with every contraction and having horrible back labor. I decided around 10:00 am that I just couldn't take it anymore and asked for an epidural. Holy mother, it felt nice! Despite being numb and having to have a catheter inserted it was so nice to not feel those contractions. The vomiting slowed down, although never really went away.

We spent the next few hours watching the monitor to see how the contractions were progressing. Often times they would come right on top of each other and I was so grateful that I wasn't feeling them. I was exhausted, after having spent the entire night in labor, but unfortunately even with the epidural was unable to get some rest.

Around 3:00 pm our nurse rushed into the room and immediately paged the rest of the nurses and doctors on the floor. Within seconds I was surrounded 5 nurses, my midwife and 2 doctors. I was put on oxygen and they were moving me from one side to another and then ended up inserting something into me to attach to the baby's head. I don't think I have ever felt so helpless or scared in my entire life. I still didn't know what was happening, but happened to glance at the monitor and saw that the baby's heart rate was down to 52. All afternoon it had been between 130-160 (the normal range). I still don't really understand everything that happened as it's all kind of a blur, but they somehow ended up shocking the baby and eventually his heart rate went back up. The whole process lasted just a few minutes, but seemed to drag on for an eternity. After everything settled down and I realized that we had almost lost our precious little boy I lost it and couldn't stop crying.

It was then decided that I needed an emergency c-section. Avoiding a c-section unless it was absolutely necessary was the most important part of my birth plan, (literally, I had underlined and put stars next to that part of the birth plan just to make sure they knew my thoughts on the subject) so naturally, I was devastated.

The surgeon came in to introduce herself before they were going to start preparing for surgery and could tell how upset I was to have to have a c-section. Since the baby was stable again, she suggested we check just one more time to see if I had dilated any. As it turns out in that 15 minutes since the incident I had dilated from a 4 to an 8. Everyone was shocked. The surgeon said that since the baby was stable if we'd like we could disconnect the pitocin to make sure we kept the baby safe and then wait it out a bit longer to see if I would dilate to a 10. I was so happy!

We waited for another 2 hours, monitoring contractions and the baby's heart rate. The midwife came in to check me and I was so hopeful that I had made it to 10 cm's. Unfortunately I was still at 8 though. At that point nobody felt comfortable with me waiting much longer. It was decided that we would take the lowest possible dose of pitocin to see if it would help and wait for an hour. If nothing changed in that time, we would definitely have to have a c-section.

Looking back, I was so happy for that hour. Steve and I spent that time praying and thanking God for keeping our little boy safe through the previous ordeal of the day and I spent some time praying for a miracle, while I also just asked God to give me a peace no matter what the outcome. As hard as it was, that was an hour I'll never forget. I really just felt a peace knowing that whatever happened God would be with us and submitted our lives and the life of our little guy to him no matter what the outcome.

Our hour was up and there was no change. As much as I didn't want a c-section, I felt a peace in my heart that this was the right choice. I didn't want to risk doing anything to harm our boy and whatever would get him out of me in the safest way was what I wanted to do.

They started prepping me for surgery and although I was at peace with the decision, I felt very scared to have such a major surgery. I had never been admitted to the hospital in my life, and the closest I have ever come to having surgery was having my wisdom teeth removed, so naturally the thought of them cutting me open and removing my insides to get to a baby was a little overwhelming.

They moved me to the OR and began prepping me for surgery. Whatever they gave me to numb me made me feel horrible and I immediately started vomiting again as well as started shaking uncontrollably. Steve got decked out in scrubs and after they had me fully prepped was able to join me in the operating room. Having him next to me for the surgery brought so much comfort to me. The surgery in itself didn't take all the long. After just about 15 minutes I heard the sounds of my sweet baby boy crying. They held him up for me to see before whisking him away to get tests done. I can honestly say that it was the most amazing moment of my entire life. Our midwife also attended the surgery and took pictures.

Here's my first view of our sweet Asher Struck Rodriguez.

Asher Struck Rodriguez was born with a boom on the 4th of July at 9:39 pm. He weighed 8 lbs. 10 oz and was 20 inches long.

Between my exhaustion and the medication, I was completely out of it at this point, but the one thing I knew was that I was so in love with this little boy. Steve went to join Asher for his tests and they started putting me back together. It's so crazy that it took only 15 minutes or so to get him out of me, and more than hour to put me back together. After Asher got all cleaned up they brought him over so that I could look at him while they continued to sew me up. I was still shaking uncontrollably, so I couldn't really touch him, but just to look him in the eyes was amazing.

For the rest of my surgery he just laid there and looked and me with not so much as a whimper. It was such a special time. Steve is such a proud papa!

We are so blessed to have this little angel in our lives! He didn't exactly come into the world in the way that we had anticipated, but we are just happy that he's here. After the surgery we were told that not only was he in a posterior position (hence the horrible back labor), but also had the cord wrapped around his neck twice. We are so grateful that God kept him safe and it actually made us feel very grateful for the c-section as who knows what could have happened otherwise.

Recovery has been rough. With the exhaustion of 29 hours of labor and all the emotional roller coaster this last week has been we've had a lot of ups and downs. My hospital stay was not the most pleasant. The day that my IV was finally disconnected and I was able to get up and take a shower I blacked out in the bathroom, hit my head and was unconscious for 3 minutes. Luckily, it was mostly due to exhaustion and the fact that I hadn't eaten in 3 days, so it wasn't due to surgery complications. My incision is very painful and I'm exhausted, but am healing up nicely and for that I'm grateful.

We were so blessed by all of the wonderful staff at Meriter. I can't say enough good things about all of the nurses and doctors that have worked with us.

We're all safely at home now. Asher is having some problems with his bilirubin levels and is on a strict 2 hour feeding schedule night and day. Between the c-section recovery and sleepless nights with all of the feedings we are absolutely exhausted, but that is to be expected with a newborn, so I guess I can't complain to much. Most of all we are just so thankful to have this little man in our lives!

40 Weeks and 4 Days...

Here's a picture at 40 weeks, 4 days. Not the best picture ever, but its the best smile I could muster up.

Last night I commented to Steve that I literally feel like my stomach is growing every day. I've seriously noticed a difference. To my dismay, Steve agreed. I'm so afraid of how much this kid is gonna weigh.

I pretty much live in my sweat pants at this point and hate the thought of leaving the house. I am also SO swollen. I can't even get my wedding ring on past my second knuckle.

Becca and I are gonna go out and do some shopping this afternoon. I'm sure it will be good for me to get out of the house, but in all honesty, all I want to do it veg out and watch some trashy soap opera while I fade off into a nice long nap. Good thing I need some Tums for this horrible heartburn, otherwise the nap would win. Tomorrow's my moms birthday and I'm REALLY hoping I can give her a grandson this year for her birthday.

I am a changed woman....

I'm not sure if its all the pregnancy hormones or the fact that I'm so anxious to get this baby out of me, but I somehow feel like my body has been invaded by aliens.

Take yesterday, for example. Last week we got a notice in our mailbox that the Salvation Army truck would be in our neighborhood this week accepting donations. I was thrilled because I had a lot of things to get rid of, but I've been so tired lately that I haven't had the energy to take a trip to a donation drop off point. We had a nice exercise bike in our garage that has been needing a new home, so I called the salvation army just to make sure that they would be accepting donations of larger items as well. I was thrilled when they told me they would gladly take the exercise bike.

So, I had Steve move the bike to our front yard before he left for work and I got up early to move all of the boxes I had filled up near the bike for the 8 am pickup.

The truck pulled up to our house and one of the gentleman loading up the goods knocked on our door and informed me that they were unable to take exercise bikes due to liability issues. I informed him that I had called in advance and had been assured that that they would take the bike and asked him if maybe he had been confused. He told me that he knew the rules and refused to take the bike. That's when I got mad. I didn't yell at the poor guy, but I definitely let him know how frustrated I was and responded with some smart comment about how now we have this stupid bike that's gonna have to sit in our front yard and look tacky while all the neighborhood kids stop by and ride it. I was ticked.

Then, to take matters even further I got on my computer and sent a nasty email to the major of the salvation army explaining how frustrated I was and asked that they educate their staff on what their policies actually are so that people in the community will actually want to continue donating items to them rather than being misinformed and getting ticked off.

After that I left for my midwife appointment and cried the entire 25 minute drive because it really hurt my feelings that they wouldn't take my exercise bike. Yes, I was crying over having my feelings hurt by the salvation army.

I swear, I feel insane. Yes, it's silly that my feelings were hurt so much by this, but what really gets me is my response. Sending nasty emails and letting out my frustrations on the poor donation pick up guy is not only so out of character for me, but so un-christian as well. What's even worse is that now that I've settled down I don't really feel all that bad about my actions. Give me 2 weeks and I'm sure if I'm not losing sleep over this baby keeping me awake I'll be losing sleep about feeling bad about being mean to the salvation army and wind up sending an apology email in the middle of the night. Miscommunication happens, people mess up and that's just how life is, somehow with all these crazy hormones I seem to have forgotten that.

Will I always be this way now, or once the baby comes will I be back to my normal self? I don't like feeling so sensitive and mean. What's worse, is that I don't like NOT feeling bad about being mean. I recognize that pregnant or not, I'm no angel, but I do want to be a person that shows love and respect to others when I deal with them regardless of how they are treating me.

I'm really hoping and praying that soon I'll be back to my old self. In the meantime, I think it's a good idea that I just hide away in our house so as to not scare the rest of the world away.

PS...for the record, I did get a very kind email response from the salvation army apologizing for the miscommunication. We also got rid of the exercise bike. Before I could even post the bike on the "free" section of craigslist one of our neighbors stopped by and offered to buy it from us. We were thrilled to be able to give it to her and get it out of our hair.

Highlights of my week...

It's been a good week. Knowing that our time as a 2 person family is soon coming to an end, Steve and I have been going out of our way to do things we enjoy and spend lots of time with friends.

Some of the highlights of the week:

- Eating breakfast at Sophia's. Yum, I love this place and it is by far my favorite breakfast place in the entire world. We don't go there often, so when we do it's quite the treat!

- Steve's co-workers threw him a little baby shower and everyone chipped in and got us a Costco gift card. We are all about the practical, so it was such a blessing! We are so blessed that both Steve and I work with such wonderful people.

- Taking naps! I've taken 3 naps this week (never mind that 2 of them were on Saturday) and it has been so nice and refreshing!

- Spending time with friends! Saturday afternoon Katie and I went to Ella's for some ice cream and girl time. Later in the afternoon we met up with Steve, Nich & Sarah at BWW to watch the world cup (to bad the US lost). Saturday evening we went out to Pasquals to get some spicy food for dinner with Sarah. I was hoping the spicy food would send me into labor, but not such luck. Last night we had some very spicy Italian beef sandwiches at AJ & Sarah's and I kept hoping that would do the trick as well, but this baby must be un-phased by by hot food, unlike momma the wuss. We're loving being able to spend time with friends knowing that soon life is about to change and we'll probably be forced to become homebodies for the rest of the summer.

- Spending quality time with Steve. Just going out to coffee, chatting and laughing it up with my sweet husband has been nice. I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with these past few weeks, but he has been more than gracious to me. It's hard to imagine that I could ever love my husband more than I do, but I find that everyday I find something new that makes me love him even more. It seems like I constantly hear comments from people wondering if Steve truly is as nice to me at home when it's just the two of us as he is when we're in front of other people and they're always surprised when I say yes. I'm constantly reminded of just how blessed I am to be married to such a wonderful man. I don't take him for granted for a second and am so excited to see the wonderful father that he is going to be.

As far as pregnancy is concerned, we still have no clue when our little guy will arrive. I go for my weekly midwife visit tomorrow (my official due date), but I doubt they'll have anything new to tell me. I've been feeling tired, am incredibly swollen and very uncomfortable. Other than that though, I haven't had many contractions indicating that the end is near. I'm starting to get so impatient and am just really, really tired of being pregnant, hot, sweaty and huge! One of the guys from Steve's hurling team offered to take me on a ride down a bumpy street on his motorcycle last night and I was very tempted to try it. Hopefully next time you hear from me it will be to welcome our sweet bundle of joy....at this point I'm not crossing my fingers though.

The Waiting Game...

The waiting game has arrived. I'm starting to get anxious for our little guy to show up. It wasn't so bad before when I was feeling better, but since last Thursday I have just felt horrible. It doesn't help that my hormones must be getting ready for our little guy to arrive as well because I've been an emotional wreck.

I went to the midwife yesterday and she said that our little guy is down there as low as he can get without me going into labor. She also estimates that he's about 8 1/2 pounds already. I'm praying he'll come sooner rather than later before he gains any more weight! I still have 6 days till my due date, but the midwife said I could expect to go into labor at any second (a change from last week when she though I might need to prepare myself that he could come late). I'm trying not to get my hopes up, as I know that "any second" realistically could be today or could be 2 weeks from now.

I'm definitely running out of energy. I spent most of Monday resting only to wake up Tuesday ready to nest. I was able to get the house all cleaned up (I even vacuumed out all of our window sills and fan blades) and took a nice long walk. Today I'm back to feeling tired and didn't end up getting out of bed until 8:30 (very rare for me). I'm definitely not pushing myself to do much this week unless I have the energy for it. Rest and taking it easy is on my agenda! I know once this baby gets here I won't have that opportunity again for at least the next 18 years! :)

4 days till freedom....

The end of pregnancy is finally starting to draw near!

I spent last week interviewing candidates to take over my job and will spend this week tying up loose ends and training my replacement (assuming she accepts the position, otherwise it's back to the drawing board with interviews). I'm so excited to go on maternity leave! I'm glad it's finally here because as far as work attire goes, I'm down to 1 pair of pants and 1 skirt that fits. I am seriously so over coming to work every morning and can't wait to be finished! Now that I have just a few days left I am getting so antsy to get out of here!

Other changes - I'm continuing to grow! I had to take off my wedding ring (which used to be too big) the other day and pretty much live in my sweats when I'm home. Who am I kidding though, I pretty much lived in sweats at home before I was pregnant to!


It was so funny, because when we were back in St. Louis because everyone kept telling me that I didn't look all that enormously pregnant, but all along everyone here in Madison keeps asking me if I'm having twins. I'm not sure where all the differing of opinions is coming from, but I know I feel large and uncomfortable - especially now that things are heating up! It's been in the upper 80's here in Madison these past 2 days and I have learned the pregnancy and heat don't mix so well. Let's just say I'm a little bit cranky. Lucky for me, I'm married to the nicest, most understanding man in the universe.


These next few weeks should be busy, but in a good way. These past 2 months have been absolutely crazy, but now life should start to slow down a bit. We have so much to do around the house before the baby comes, but it's been driving me crazy not being able to work on these things, so although I'll be pretty busy before our little guy arrives, I'm really looking forward to marking a bunch of tasks off my to-do list. I know being busy with stuff around the house is a whole lot more fun then being busy with stuff at the office, so that in itself should be refreshing!

To top it off starting next week we'll now have our Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights back! It will be so nice to not have to worry about coming home from work exhausted only to have to have something to do after a quick dinner. I am SO going to soak up this season before our little guy arrives!