Life and babies and all that jazz....

Hello world. One would think my New Year's resolution was to NOT blog. That is not the case, we've just had a lot going on and honestly, I've just been tired so it's been on the bottom of my priority list and I'm just fine with that.

So what's going on with us you might ask? Asher is huge, 6 1/2 months now and loving the solid food journey! I'm afraid our little boy might have an appetite like his dad and I'm expecting our grocery bills to skyrocket with every passing year.
Steve's still working his butt off and coming home exhausted every night.
I'm still doing the stay at home mom gig and love it. I haven't been getting out of the house much, but am working on that. It's just so hard to get motivated when it's so darn cold outside.

My waist continues to expand, but I can't blame it entirely on eating to many goodies over the holiday's.  Yep, I'm knocked up again and we are all so excited around here! I went to meet my new OB a couple of weeks ago thinking I was just 5 or so weeks along, but it turns out this baby has been in my belly for awhile now (12 1/2 weeks to be exact).

Apparently I got pregnant the week before my appendix ruptured and it never showed up on the pregnancy test they gave me at the hospital before they started my IV and whisked me off to surgery. I guess our little baby is quite the fighter to have survived such an ordeal. I never even fathomed that I was pregnant for those few weeks after my surgery, because anytime I felt bad I blamed it on my appendix and never realized there could have been something else going on. My first inclination that I could be pregnant was when I got really bad heartburn a few days before Christmas. Heartburn seems to be a staple with pregnancy for me.

Anyway, so Asher will be a big brother sometime around the end of July just after he turns one. I'm so thankful. As crazy as it sounds, we prayed that I would be able to pregnant as soon as the doctor gave us the okay, and our prayers have been answered!

So that's what's new in our neck of the woods.

Good Bye 2010 - We're Sad To See You Go!

I can't even tell you how many people I've heard say that they are so ready for 2010 to be over. It seems like a lot of the people that we know and love have had a really rough year.

For us, I think it's been one of the best years yet. I'm seriously so sad to see 2010 end. Yes, we've had a few challenges this year, but the good has definitely outweighed the bad.

Is it bad that I'm scared for 2011? It seems like 2010 has been so great, that 2011 will almost certainly seem rough. I don't know why it is, but for some reason whenever life is good, I have a hard time with sitting back an enjoying it, because I always fear that something bad is just around the corner. I know this is silly thinking and so not God's heart for me, but I still have somehow always felt that way. I have found though, that when the tough times do come, it helps to look back on all the blessings of the past and it reminds me that there is a season for everything.

Back to the 2010 that we love so much though! These are some of my very favorite memories:

January - finishing our basement renovations! It seriously felt SO good to have that project done! We also rang in the New Year with friends in St. Louis

February - A surprise visit from Nate. We miss our friend so much and love it when he comes to visit!

March - A girls weekend with Sarah in Milwaukee. Steve and Nich stayed back and painted the baby's room and setup the crib.

April - Celebrating our anniversary in Chicago. We had such a great time. We also went to a Cardinal's game in April - one of my favorite things to do!

May - Baby shower in Madison and then a trip to St. Louis for 2 baby showers there. The baby showers were great, but most of all I loved spending time with our family and friends!

June - what a great month June was! We went to Minneapolis for a hurling tournament and then spent a few days with my family in Eau Claire. I also went on maternity leave June 1st and loved having time to get ready for Asher to arrive.

July - We celebrated the 4th of July in the hospital bringing our little guy into the world. Not only was this the best month ever, but the best moment of my entire life as well. I also put in my resignation at Independent Living in July and choosing to stay home with Asher has been one of the best decisions we've ever made!

August - My mom came to visit and meet Asher. We also had a mini-vacation to Chicago in August and it was so perfect! I also got to see my old friend Kris, who was one of my english students in Thailand back in 1999. We had so much to catch up on - luckily he is now speaks fluent english!

September - A trip to St. Louis to introduce Asher to our family and friends there!

October - A visit from my dear friend Sara that lives in Montana. I finally got to meet her little sweetheart Amelia.  This was definitely one of my top highlights of the year.  We also had a visit from my Dad and Stepmom this month. It was fun seeing them in the "grandparents" role.

November -  A trip to St. Louis to see Nadia get married. We had such a fun time!

December - What a great month to celebrate all that God has done for us in 2010. We spent a day in Milwaukee enjoying being a little family and took Asher to his first NBA game. We also got new windows installed in our house this month - it may not be exciting to some, but it was for us! :)

It has been a very good year and we're sad to see 2010 leave us. We are so excited for everything that's in store for us in 2011 though. Hopefully this will be another exciting year for our family!

Happy New Year everyone!

Faith = RISK

We were talking about faith in our community group last night and it got me thinking about what I've learned through my journey in faith.

When I look back on my life, I see that my faith has grown through the little stepping stones of obedience that I've taken. The more that I learn to trust in God, it seems that it gets both easier and harder. Easier in the sense that I know He's never let me down so I don't really have a reason NOT to trust him. Harder in the sense that I've seen a progression, and as I've learned to put more of my trust and faith in God even greater faith has been expected of me.

I think back to our move to Madison.  It took a lot of faith for Steve and I to uproot ourselves, sell our house and move to a new city where we knew absolutely no one and had no jobs. Everyone knows our story. I moved here by myself to look for a job thinking it wouldn't be that difficult while Steve stayed back in St. Louis.  Almost 3 months passed before I finally found a job here and Steve was able to quit his job and join me. What a long few months those were, but my faith was tested in ways it never had been before. Fast forward to Steve joining me here in Madison, when it took him 9 long months to find work. Believe me when I say our trust was in God and God alone through that season. Days (literally) after Steve got hired we decided it was time to start a family.

Faith with that decision comes into play here - had we not had the previous year of testing as our faith was strengthened through having to really trust in God with our situation, I really don't think Asher would be in the picture today. It was growing in our faith and trust in God that brought us to the point of knowing that it was okay to start a family because we knew that we would be taken care of.

Just the other day Steve and I were talking about our old life. When I asked him if he thought we would have started a family yet if we were still living in St. Louis he said no.  Although we were making a whole lot more money there, we hadn't walked through some of the trials that had come about through uprooting our lives here to Madison and I really don't think we would have had the faith to step out and trust God to bring a baby into the picture. I'm just being real, no, I'm not a perfect Christian that always has "the faith to move mountains."

Now, I look back on our journey of faith. It started with trusting God with the little things and now has grown to the point where really I'm not that concerned about our lives because I really do trust God to take care of us. I see the journey from taking that giant leap of faith to uproot our lives and all that I've learned throughout the very detailed process and just how faithful God has been to us.  Quitting my job to stay home with Asher has been another huge leap of faith for us, but again, God has been faithful.

John Wimber, founder of the Vineyard churches, said it well when he said "faith" is spelled R-I-S-K. It really is - taking risks for God is what has strengthened my faith over the years.  I don't know what's in the future for us, but I can guarantee that there will be a lot of risk-taking. The kind that in 10 years will cause me to look back on this season of life, and all of the trusting and faith building that I've done in the last 2 years will seem like a breeze compared to the giant mountain that will be ahead of me.....and that's when grace comes into play. :)

I'm excited to be risk taker for Jesus - scared, but excited. I want my faith to increase, and I know that the only way that will happen is through walking through the challenges of life, and that's something that I'm learning to embrace.

Asher's dedication

My Dad and Stepmom were here visiting from Montana last weekend, so while they were here we had Asher dedicated at church on Sunday. It was so special for us as a family to be able to make a commitment in front of both our church and our family to raise Asher to know and love Jesus and have our church family pray for us to do that.

Neither Steve nor I came from a healthy family dynamic, so we are so excited to be able to change our family tree in this respect. What an honor it is for both Steve and I to be able to be a part of changing our family for the generations to come! We know that raising kids is tough work and we're bound to mess up, but hopefully those mess ups will be with the little stuff that's not quite as important. More than anything we want Asher to grow up in a stable, safe environment that models the love of Jesus. We always want him to know that he's loved and supported no matter what.

We've got a big job ahead of us, but we are so grateful to God for this opportunity to be parents to this amazing child that we are so completely in love with!

Babies and Bands

Besides all of the baby shower extravaganza I had a few other highlights of our trip to St. Louis.

One would be this little guy:

This is little Griffin Jude. I got to meet him for the first time and it made me oh so happy! He is one of the sweetest babies ever. Seriously, the kid hardly cries at all. I have been looking forward to being introduced to this little guy for the past few weeks and was so excited when I could finally hold him! Dale and Missy sure do make some cute kids! Other highlights was seeing his brother and sisters. It's amazing to me how fast these kids grow up. We just saw them over New Years but it seems like they've grown so much since then. Caleb is just as cute and sweet as ever and Hannah and Ava are the same sassy little girls, full of independence.

The other highlight was seeing Waterdeep. This band has been on the list as one of my top 3 favorite bands for over 10 years now. I've seen them in concert several times, but over the past few years they've stopped touring as much, so it was probably at least 5 years ago since I saw them last.

I was SO excited when Missy told me that they would be in town the same weekend we were and couldn't wait to see them live again. I know, I've said I would never go to another concert again while I was pregnant after my last experience, but this concert was special and I just had to go. Not only was it my favorite band, but it was actually the very last concert where they would be playing with a full band. From here on out it's just Don & Lori acoustic (which would still be great) and it doesn't even sound like they'll be doing to many of those shows.

So, without a doubt, pregnant or not this was a show I wanted to go to. It worked out so perfectly because they actually had seats (rather than standing only) at the concert and we got some good ones in the 4th row (we somehow thought that concert started at 6:30 when it actually started at 7:30).

Anyway, so as I sat there in a comfy chair with a perfect view listening to pretty much my favorite band ever I just felt so loved by God. I love how God chooses to show us how much he loves us in the little things. How amazing that it worked out that on the exact weekend we would be in town my favorite band would be there as well for their last concert and God allowed me to be a part of that. Music is such an important part of my life - it's how I really connect with God and only God knows just how much it would mean to me to be able to see them live this one last time. It just made me aware of how good our God is that he chooses to show us his love and bless us in the little ways that He really doesn't need to. Not being able to see Waterdeep would have not changed the fact that I know I'm loved by God, but just the opportunity to see them this one last time reminded me of just how much God knows us and loves us and cares about the little things that we care about. I love that I serve a God that is so big, yet so personal.

All that to say, one word to sum up our time in St. Louis was "love". I felt so loved by our friends and so loved by my God. Life can't get much better!

Just feeling happy.....

I know that part of it has to do with the weather getting nicer, but lately I just can't help but feel so happy and so grateful for all of God's goodness to us.

I sometimes just find myself smiling when I think about how nice it is to feel some joy in life again. I wouldn't say I've been depressed or anything like that, but definitely the last year and a half to two years have taken a toll on us as we've been through some pretty stressful situations with moving our lives and adjusting to all this crazyness in a new place.

I'm finally starting to feel at the place where I'm just happy again. Happier then I've felt in a long time, to be perfectly honest, and it feels really good! Although I miss all of our friends back home terribly, I feel so, so thankful that God has provided us with some new friends here that we really love. And of course, to top it off, our prayers have been answered and we have this little baby boy that we've wanted for so long that we'll get to meet in a few months. I'm finally starting to feel like we can root ourselves here in Madison and be perfectly content to stay here as long as God want us to, without always wondering in the back of our minds when we can leave.

Yes, I know there are a fair share of stresses coming up in the future with the arrival of our little guy. I still don't know how we're going to manage on one income, but I feel so blessed and so secure that God is taking care of us and will continue to do so, that I just can't really stress about it even if I wanted to.

God has been so good to us and I can't help but just feel this intense amount of gratitude to Him for all that He's brought us through in the last few years. I am so, so overwhelmed with thankfullness to Him, because I know all of the good things that have come our way are only because of Him.

Celebrate Good Times - Come on!

Take part in the joy of those who are glad, and in the grief of those who are sorrowing. Romans 12:15

I've been feeling so encouraged lately because so many of the people that I love and care about have been getting great news. Whether it's been houses selling, engagements, or new jobs, it's such an amazing feeling to be able to celebrate in the joy of others that I love. It's so great to see things looking up for the people that are in our lives, that I can't help but want to throw a party to celebrate!

I'm so thankful for God's goodness, not only in our lives, but in the lives of so many of the people that we love! It's amazing, when I stop to think about the many blessings in our lives, I can't help but easily feel overwhelmed with thankfulness to God. He's been so good to us, and I hope that I never lose sight of that when the rough patches in life (which are bound to come) hit.

God's Love...

We've been talking a lot about God's love lately in the community group we lead in our home on Wednesdays. This week we talked about the different ways that God chooses to show us He loves us in the midst of the different season we go through in life. Through that, we got started talking about why it is so difficult for us to learn to receive the love that God has for us.

In a society where people come and go in our lives and divorce is rampant in marriages, it's easy to see why we can't comprehend that no matter what we do God still loves us. What is so amazing though is to look back on the process of our lives and see God's love pouring into us through both the hard times and the good times.

I know that God loves me, but sometimes, in my own insecurity and imperfection, I find myself doubting that He really loves me as much as He says He does. I love that in spite of how I view myself though, God's opinion of me never changes. Sure, there are areas that He's always working on in me, but that to is just because He loves me.

This week I've been making a conscious choice to thank God for the great love that He has for me. In doing so, I've found that I'm filled with such a greater degree of love, hope, peace and a greater ability to trust that God has our life in His hands - just like He always has. Sometimes I just need a little nudge to remind me. :)

Counting My Blessings.....

As I become more and more pregnant I've started to feel like I have a ticking time bomb growing in my belly. With each passing week, I'm reminded of all the things we need to do to get ready for Baby Rod, and I've allowed myself to get more and more overwhelmed.
Mostly, I've found that the root of my worries is in all the unknowns. I wonder how exactly we're going to live on one income, how much having a baby will cost and where we're going to get all the stuff we need to care for a child. As I look at things like Cribs, Changing Tables and Strollers all that I see is big dollar signs.

It's in these moments though that I'm realizing that I just need to relax and look at how much God has blessed. I feel like God is taking me through yet another season of learning to trust in Him. Why can't I ever get it?

So, to combat my worries and fears I decided to list some of the many blessings that I have. Thinking about all the good things we have been given always completely brings me back to the reality that God is with us and taking care of us.

Here's some of the wonderful blessings we have encountered, big and small.

- Steve has a job with GREAT health insurance. Last year at this time he had no job and we were uninsured.

- We just refinanced our mortgage and got an awesome interest rate!

- We have two dependable cars....one other thing we couldn't have said at this time last year.

- We have an awesome house with a now refinished basement that allows room for our family to expand.

- We finally have found some really great friends that we absolutely adore here in Madison and don't feel quite as lonely and displaced anymore.

- Although we still need to buy A LOT of baby stuff, we have already been given or found great deals on a few essential items such as a pack & play, a breast pump, a baby monitor and a few cloth diapers to get us going. Not only that, but all of the above are high quality items at that!

And last, but certainly not least, in the midst of the stress of having a baby, I often times forget to stop and thank God for this little "stress" that He has brought into our lives. He has answered our prayers and given us our hearts desires, and for that I am so thankful!

So, these are some of our recent blessings, some are big and some seem small, but all of them are little reminders to me that God is taking care of us. I don't know why I worry so much, it's stupid, I know, but I've found that through my worry God always finds a way to give me some great perspective, and for that I am grateful.

Everything's gonna be okay....

Considering that I'm constantly exhausted, I still find it amazing that I can't sleep in past 7:00 on a Saturday morning. I somehow subconsciously keep thinking that I'm late for work and it stresses me out.
Instead of getting up doing housework this morning I decided to just lay in bed and think for awhile. I started thinking about this past year and a half of our lives and this season that we're in now and I had a revelation. Sure, the obstacles may look different than the obstacles we had to overcome last year, but nonetheless all that I'm experiencing right now is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us in the making.
I've told a few people about the story of us getting pregnant (no, not the literal details - gross!), but as I was thinking about it this morning I just couldn't help but feel so grateful to God.
Steve and I have been wanting to start a family for awhile. In fact, we were just getting ready to start trying back January of 08 when the option of moving to Madison came up. For us, moving to Madison meant putting kids on hold for awhile, because we knew that realistically church planting, moving and quitting jobs was not a fitting situation to bring a child into this world.
We knew that moving here to Madison to help plant this church was what God wanted for us, so we put starting a family on hold. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't a little sad.
So, here we were in Madison. Literally, almost every single friend we have here has kids - not a good combination for someone that wants kids but is trying to put that desire on the back burner. We felt that for our first year here we were to focus all of our efforts on what we had moved here to do and once again completely laid down our desire to start a family. It was hard, but we knew it was what we were supposed to do. Steve not having a job for 9 months and us not having any health insurance for a year and half was ironically comforting to me in this area, because with our situation I knew it just wasn't smart to even consider starting a family.

Fast forward to September. Steve was finally hired on as a full time employee and with is came some great health insurance for both of us that we would be eligible for in November. Being new at a job and in this economy I would be a liar if I said I was still a little nervous about a starting a family, but we both spend some time praying about it and really felt God give us a peace about trying.
I also would be a liar if I said I didn't hear my biological clock ticking louder every day since the day I turned 30. Being the detailed person that I am I did a little research and from everything I read I found that a woman in her 30's should expect that it would take anywhere from 9 months to a year of "trying" before she actually got pregnant. Because I felt like I had been waiting for forever to even start trying for a baby, I knew that the waiting process would be very difficult for me. For some reason, I totally prepared myself that by this time next year I still wouldn't be pregnant and the debbie downer in me felt discouraged with the trying process before we even started it. I don't know why, but for some reason, because I feel like we've been so blessed I always think in the back of my mind that our time for heartache is due and expect the worst. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's something that I've always struggled with.
Needless to say, we started trying and God surprised us once again when two weeks later after I started feeling really dizzy and overall yucky and took a pregnancy test (or 3) only to see that little plus sign. Shocked, excited and completely in unbelief did not even begin to describe how I felt. Apparently I'm not to good at keeping a secret, because the next day we had a beer float party at our place to celebrate Steve's birthday and both Jacqueline and Christina figured it out when I "just didn't feel like drinking a beer."

As I lay in bed this morning and thought about how overwhelmed I've been feeling, I couldn't help but be reminded of the little miracle growing inside of me that is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us. Had we been trying for a year and still hadn't become pregnant, God would still be just as faithful, but I can' hep but feel so overwhelmed because He answered our prayers and gave us the desires of our hearts in the most perfect timing. It was extremely hard for us to lay down having a family for the season that we did. Honestly, sometimes I even wonder if we would have still moved here if I could have seen future and known just how hard putting a baby on the back burner would have been. I really feel though that God is smiling down us and saying "thanks for being faithful to lay down your desire for Me, now I'm going to give you the desires of your heart" and that puts so much peace and joy in my heart for our future.
Sure, there are a lot of details that need to be worked out. Namely, how are we going to live on just one income when it's already a struggle to live on two. But, I know that God is bigger than that and when I look at the obstacles we've overcome in the last 2 years, I know that somehow it's all miraculously going to work out, just like it has every other time.

Seriously, the peace that comes with knowing that our God is good and faithful and we can trust him with our entire lives is what keeps me going every single day. I know that we'll experience storms in this life, but it feels so amazing to know that God is on our side and everything happens for a reason. Phew!

You want me to build WHAT?!?!

Last night Steve and I watched "Evan Almighty" for the first time. Such a cute movie and I felt so encouraged afterwards.
Everyone's heard the story of Noah and the Ark. I haven't really read it in awhile, nor have I stopped to think about it, but really, like so many of the other stories in the Bible, it's CRAZY!
Seriously, I could not imagine if God told me to build a giant Ark. I would probably think I was the one that was crazy and seek mental help immediately.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Of course I believe in the Bible - I believe that every single word of it is true, but some times it's really easy to forget the reality of all the crazy stuff that God did in the Bible. It's almost like that was not only another time (which it obviously was) but a different God too. What's crazy is that the God that told Noah to build an ark is the same God that I'm serving today.
Really, I have to say that when I compare my life to Noah's, I have it pretty easy!

When I think about that crazy story and how Noah must have felt though, I just can't help but feel so encouraged. Imagine having your family, colleagues and basically the entire world think your insane and scoff you for building a huge boat in the middle of a drought. If I knew someone today that was doing that, I would think they're crazy to! But, look at the outcome and the fulfillment of God's promise to Noah. How incredibly amazing is that? It really puts things into perspective for me. Here I am wondering if we'll ever be in a financial place to start a family. I worry about our cars getting us to work in the morning, how I'm going to get everything done that I need to, what's going to happen with issues surrounding our extended family and friends, but so often I forget that I serve HUGE God.
The same God that told Noah to build an Ark and fulfilled his promises to Him is the same God that is going to take care of my "problems" that all seem so trivial when I really look at the big picture.
God has ALWAYS taken care of me in the past and has never let me down once, so you would think that by now I would get it and know that He's always going to be faithful to continue to take care of us. Being reminded of Noah's story gives me so much hope for OUR story. I know that truly is it GOD who is in control of our lives and I love that He's taking care of the details.

On another note....we did end up buying a car this weekend. My years as a Realtor that loves to negotiate paid off. We spent 2 1/2 hours negotiating with the owner of the dealership and walked out with a steal! Literally, we got the car for $6,000.00 less than what KBB says the car is worth is worth. We are very pleased!

Life and the promises of God...

AJ's in town from Texas until Sunday. We went out to Capitol Brewery last night and it my heart good to see my husband so happy to spend time with his good friend.
It's been a stressful week, so having a friend in town is just what he needed.

We got some good news and some bad news yesterday. Steve was finally offered a job at the company that he's been working for as a temp. The good news is that he finally has found work. The bad news is that they don't want to pay him hardly anything. Even in spite of the fact that we have no debt (besides our mortgage) it's hardly enough to live off of. I can't imagine how people with lots of debt are staying afloat in these times. I feel bad for being bummed that he's finally found a job - something we've been praying for for MONTHS, but the realistic and number-crunching side of me can't help but feel a little bit disappointed. We're not greedy by any means, but reality is reality. Steve will be negotiating with them a little bit today, so please, please keep us in you prayers that they would be able to pay him just a little bit more than what they offered. Our goal is that he gets paid at least as much as I am (which still isn't much), hopefully a little bit more.

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with other things in life these past few days. I've never been a person that feels to ashamed to admit my struggles or when I'm going through a hard time. I am, however unfortunately the type of person that can sometimes get so overwhelmed by being overwhelmed that it makes me even more overwhelmed. It's crazy, I know, but I'm just being honest with where I'm at and where I'm at right now is a place called bummed out. I don't want to allow myself to let life get me down by some of the things that are going on, and just feel the need for some perspective and a reminder of God's promises, so I've been looking through the Bible and reflecting on some of the promises of God and it's really helped.
Here's a few verses I've been reminding myself of lately:

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth"
(Psalms 145.18)

The Lord gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm. So always trust the Lord
because he is forever our mighty rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. (II Corinthians 9:8)

I am so thankful for God's promises in our lives. When I look back on my 30 years of life the hand of God is so evident and His promises for me even more real. Even through a messed up childhood in a dysfunctional family I see God's redemption and I am so thankful for everything He's brought me through. He truly has been so good to me and I can't help but feel thankful. All it takes for me is walking down "memory lane" and reflecting on all I've come through and it gives me so much hope for the future and some of the things we're dealing with now. Once again I'm reminded how important positive perspective is...

It's All About Perspective

Yesterday I left work late....again. Things have been stressful at work these last few weeks which has left me no choice but to come in early and leave late. As I walked to my car I was kind of grumbling to myself about how I hate that I never actually get to leave at 5:00 like I'm supposed to until I stopped and was reminded of just how blessed I am just to have a job. It seems like every day I'm hearing on the news about more jobs being lost and here I am feeling frustrated because I think I'm working too much!

A I thought of all of this as I was driving home I was reminded of all the complaints that have been in my mind these last few weeks that really are so ridiculous and then I promptly had a good laugh at myself. Really, I am so blessed and have no right or reason to complain at all.

I made a mental list of all my "complaints" and with every single one of them was able to come up with a reason why things weren't as bad as they seemed after all.

I've been complaining that Steve is still a temp and hasn't got hired on as a full time employee at the company he's been working at, when the reality is that he's not only been promoted but the company is spending money investing in him. They've already paid for him to spend a week in Chicago next month for further training. Yes, he doesn't have the security of knowing he's their "permanent employee" yet, but he has had steady work since April and it's probably only a matter of time before they hire him on for real.

I've been bummed out because right now we don't have health insurance, but haven't stopped to think about how we are so blessed that had we been insured we wouldn't have had to use the insurance anyway. We're so healthy that neither one of us has had a reason to go the doctor in nearly a year.

I've been complaining because I miss my friends back home, but in reality I've been able to see at least one of my friends from St. Louis on almost a weekly basis for the past few months through either them visiting us here or us taking a trip home.

I've been complaining because it just seems like we don't make enough money to do anything we want to or save for our future, but in reality we are so blessed to be able to pay all of the bills and with the exception of our mortgage have absolutely no debt at all.

When I really sit back and think about all my "complaints" I can't help but just feel really blessed. Really, nothing in life will ever be just how I like it, but when I really stop at look at all my complaints vs. my blessings I can't help but feel so blessed and taken care of by God.

Now, the really hard part is just reminding myself to stop and think about the many blessings in my life rather then get down about the things I have no control over.

fun day and sad news...

Yesterday was a good day. I came home to find a 5 pound bag of coffee beans had come in the mail for me from a sweet friend back in St. Louis. Apparently I had mentioned on my facebook status sometime last week that I was feeling tired, so she thought she'd help me wake up. It was so, so, sweet of her and it made my day.

We spend the evening at a concert down on the square handing out free boxes of of Tic Tacs just for the heck of it courtesy of our church. It was fun, yet totally out of my comfort zone to approach strangers and ask them if they wanted some free mints. We got to meet a lot of interesting folks though, which I always enjoy.

I also found out some very sad news yesterday. A friend of mine that I knew from when I lived in Texas was murdered on Tuesday by Al-Qaeda in the northern part of Africa. He and his wife have been living there with their 4 children for the last 6 years as undercover missionaries. This country is 99.9% Muslim and had targeted him for attempting to spread Christianity in the nation. They attempted to kidnap him first, but shot him after he tried to resist. He was such a wonderful man - what I appreciated most about him was his sincerity and wonderful sense of humor. We had just received a letter from him and his wife a few weeks ago updating us on all of the exciting things that have been happening over there. My heart goes out to his sweet wife and children.

Although there are things I would like to see changed about our nation, I am so, so grateful that we are a country that allows our citizens freedom of religion. I never want to take the freedoms that we have for granted. I also feel so honored to know so many wonderful people that are willing to risk their life in order to share the hope that they've found with others in the remote parts of the world. I am so challenged and inspired by the lives of so many wonderful people that I've met over the years. I only wish that I had such boldness and faith to step out like that to share my faith with others. I often times think about our move to Madison and how much of a leap of faith this process has been for Steve and I. Really though, ultimately God has taken care of us just like we knew he would. Hearing about what is happening in other parts of the world (and even sometimes our country) really puts things into perspecive and I can't help but feel a little bit foolish for worrying so much about if Steve's temporary job will turn into a full time position. Ultimately it is God who gives and takes away and I want to choose to put my hope in what He has for me rather than what I think I need, when I think I need it.

things I'm learning - over and over and over again...

That God is good, faithful and so full of love for me.

These last few months have been such a journey for us, but as I look back I God's hand on our lives in such an undeniable way.
We've had to step out and take risks with faith that we never even knew that we had, but God has proven to us time and time again just how good and faithful He is.

I'm learning the importance of waiting on God with full assurance that He knows what's best for us. It's such a comfort to know that everything we do is not in our strength, but from the strength that God gives us.

There's so much about the future that we're unsure of, but I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. One thing I've learned from working with the elderly is to not take one day of life for granted. We only live once I want to live life to the fullest with no regrets....sometimes I just have a hard time figuring out what all the fullness entails! :)

Sometimes I also have a hard time with finding balance between planning for the future while remaining in the present. I don't want to look ahead so much that I miss out on all the things that God has for me now, but I also don't want to be so absorbed in the present that I'm blown and tossed by the wind and find myself wondering what I'm doing with my life 10 years down the road.

I guess all of these are things that I learn/am learning as I go. Right now I just want my focus to be on being faithful to all that God has asked of me for this season of life. I know and trust that He's working out the rest. What a relief!

Life & Its Many Chapters....

I believe our lives are like a big story with many different chapters. Sometimes I find myself thinking back on the different chapters of my life and it's funny how with just a few words I could easily give each season a chapter title.

I remember when I was 19 and first moved to Texas, that chapter would have been "Naive & Ready To Take On The World", then just a few years later when I was 23 and first moved to St. Louis my chapter could be titled "Totally Depressed & Think I Made The Biggest Mistake Of My Life." A few years after that when I was 26 I had the "Aha, Now I See The Bigger Picture & Realize That Everything Happens For A Reason" chapter followed by the "I Can't Believe That Through All Of This God Was Preparing Me To Be A Wife To Steve." chapter.

Those are just a few chapter titles of the last decade of my life, but all of that leads me to this year. This past year has had a few chapters - some have been short and to the point and others more intriguing. Without a doubt though the last 5 months could be summed up in just a few words and would be entitled the "God, What Are You Doing?" chapter. Without a doubt that is the most asked question from my heart to Gods these past few months. Some of the answers I've received and many I'm still waiting for.
When I first came to Madison in September I thought it would be a matter of a few days or maybe at the at the most a few weeks that I've be living here on my own while I looked for a job. Weeks turned into months - 2 1/2 months to exact until I finally found a job and Steve was actually able to come up here and move into the house we had purchased. It was 3 months and 12 days ago that Steve was finally able to join me here and although I'm grateful that everything turned out beautifully for me to have a job that I enjoy, I feel like I'm still asking God the big "what are you doing" question while Steve struggles to find a job.
Although this chapter has been a total of just 5 short months, I feel like it's not only the never ending chapter, but in my heart I know it's the chapter that I'll also never forget. This has been a chapter that's been jam packed with character building experiences and lots of life's little lessons. It also has been a chapter that I'm hoping will finally end soon. I'm grateful for all that we've learned and how we've grown, but I am so ready for the "Now I See That It All Turned Out Beautifully" chapter to begin. I know eventually we'll get there, because God is predictable (aka faithful) like that, but some days I just can't help but wish that I could skip a few pages and see how beautifully it truly does all turn out just so that I could feel a little bit more hope while I continue to navigate through this current chapter that seems to be filled with lots of uncertainties.

Until then though, I guess all I can keep on doing is try to enjoy the ride as much as possible...

No easy buttons here..

It's one of those rare week days where it's after midnight and I just can't sleep, so I figured what better way to put me to sleep than to blog. :)
We have a community group that meets at our house on Wednesday nights and tonight a new couple stopped in that seem really great and it was very encouraging for me to have some fresh faces join us. It's so crazy because when we first decided to church plant we had no idea what we were getting into nor what to expect. We still are pretty much in the same boat, but it's been so funny for me to look back on the last few months and realize that this church planting business is so much harder and so much easier at the same time than I would have ever expected.
Without a doubt the hardest part for me was the season when I was living up here in Madison alone. On top of that it's been hard now that Steve's been here 2 months and is still having an impossible time finding a job. Also, it's been hard to get out of my comfort zone and make new friends because I miss my friends back home terribly, but most of the time I just feel that it's really hard but don't really know it is that makes it so hard if that makes sense.
As for the the easy part? The easy part has been depending on God. We have nothing else left to depend on and know that God is our only source and only hope and learning to rely on Him to provide our every need and give us the necessary grace to sustain us has really been our only option, which has really made our faith stronger. We really have nothing else to do but to hope in God and I have learned so much in the recent months about what it really means to put my trust in God and for that I am so grateful.
Because of all of that I have so much hope for the future and for what God has for this church that He would call 8 "nobodies" from St. Louis to sell their houses, pack up and move and start a church. We really are nothing without the grace of God, but we have everything because He is going before us.
Right now we're starting out small, but I'm encouraged with the great people that God has brought into our paths, not only for our church, but even apart from the church I feel equally blessed to have made some great friends to share life with here in Madison.
I find myself chuckling whenever I see that Staples commercial that has the "easy" button on it, because I find myself wishing that everything in life had an "easy" button to push. But then I have to stop and realize that if everything were easy I would never be challenged, never grow and never learn. As much as I absolutely hate hitting the rough patches in life I can't help but feel so grateful for all the obstacles I've had to overcome and all that I've learned through the overcoming. I know that this rough, starting out season will pass and instead of wishing it away or waiting for a better day I want to learn to embrace all that it has for me and learn as much as I can through the process. Thank God that He promises to never give me more than what I can handle!
And with that I think I'll try to get some sleep.....

Faith Like a Child

I feel like I've really been challenged in the recent weeks and months in the area of faith. Not so much that I don't have faith, but more that so often I don't have enough faith.

I tend to underestimate God and not believe Him for good things when really He is wanting to give me the best. If you've talked to me lately it's not really much of a secret that I have the baby bug. I finally feel like I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to start a family (it doesn't help that Jacqueline reminds me almost daily that my clock is ticking and we need to have kids before it's to late) and surprisingly Steve is as well. Realistically it is probably the WORST timing ever for us to even think about kids, beings that we have no health insurance and Steve doesn't have a job right now. So, obviously although it's a desire of ours, its not even something we're wanting to pursue right now as we both know it would be selfishness on our parts to bring a child into the world that we can't even care for. But, I do feel that God has been challenging me to believe Him for bigger things.

All that being said, I'm reminded that we serve a good God who knows the desires of our hearts and wants to bring us good gifts. I've found that so many times I don't have a problem with asking God for little things, but I kind of refrain from asking him for big things because I don't want to seem selfish. He's been reminding me though that I can believe him for big things because He really does want to blow us away with His blessings if we'd just ask Him to.
So many times I let the reality of life cloud my vision of how big God really is and it causes me to believe Him for less. Really though true reality is that "I have not because I ask not."
I do want to choose to believe God for a great job for Steve even though our economy is rough. I know that my God is not a God that sits up in heaven and watches His children be dissapointed because they have dreams and desires that they believe will never be fulfilled. I know that the dreams and desires that I have come from God, so why would I choose to not believe that He can fulfill them? I feel ashamed that so many times I choose to believe him for small things when He really wants to give me GREAT things.

It's time I start believing God for more and I'm excited to see how proves His faithfulness to us again and again in the midst of what the rest of that world would call a hopeless situation.

Finally!

sharing some ice cream at Ella's Deli with Dale & Jacq over the weekend.

Steve is here. These last few days have been so great. It's been so nice to just relax and enjoy having here him rather than emotionally prepare myself for him to leave the next day like I've had to do so many times in these last few months as he's come to visit.

I just can't help but be happy all of the time because I truly feel so blessed by God to finally have my husband here with me. Yes, our situation in still a little rough with Steve having no job and us having no health insurance, but I really just don't feel bothered by any of that as I'm just so happy to have my husband back that none of that really seems to matter anymore.

I just can't seem to stop smiling and am finally feeling like I can start settling into life here and make Madison home now that my better half is here with me. God is so good! These last few months have been so rough, but I have learned and grown so much that all I can do is be grateful to God for everything he's done in me and Steve. I have always been so grateful for my husband, but this experience had made me even more grateful for him. I know it sounds cheesy, but I kind of feel like I did when Steve and I were dating. Just seeing him smile makes me giddy and I'm sure it's so funny for Dale & Jacq to watch.

So, now we're off to start a new day and I can't help but feel unstoppable. God has been faithful to us again and it gives me hope for our future and all of the unknowns that are before us. Even though I'm sure there will be some bumps along the road I know that it will all work out beautifully!

You Never Change...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. That's what happens when you don't have a job or husband around to hang out with - you think because you have tons of free time.

Anyway...this morning I was just thinking about how God never changes. I've been so frustrated with some of the circumstances of life right now. Namely being the above mentioned lack of job and husband in my life. These last few weeks have been really frustrating, discouraging and just all around hard. It seems like I'm constantly asking God "what are you doing?" and haven't seem to get very many answers.
This morning as I was drinking my morning cup of tea and watching the leaves fall off the tree in our front yard I started thinking about how stable and consistent God is. As a nation we're in a very unstable time right now, as an individual I'm also in a very unstable state. I'm not a huge fan of surprises and prefer to plan rather than fly by the seat of my pants.
One thing I'm so grateful for though is that God never changes. I was reminded this morning of all the great times in my life where everything seemed just perfect and nothing could move me and it was then that I remembered that God is the same God now as He was then. Maybe life's a little uncertain right now, but when I look at the big picture I know that in 5 years I'll look back and see that it all turned out beautifully.
In the midst of all my discouragement that gives me so much hope to hold on to right now. I still don't what exactly God is doing, but I know that I can trust Him and all I can really do at this point is take one day at a time - and for that I choose to be glad.