...........
Considering that I'm constantly exhausted, I still find it amazing that I can't sleep in past 7:00 on a Saturday morning. I somehow subconsciously keep thinking that I'm late for work and it stresses me out.
Instead of getting up doing housework this morning I decided to just lay in bed and think for awhile. I started thinking about this past year and a half of our lives and this season that we're in now and I had a revelation. Sure, the obstacles may look different than the obstacles we had to overcome last year, but nonetheless all that I'm experiencing right now is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us in the making.
I've told a few people about the story of us getting pregnant (no, not the literal details - gross!), but as I was thinking about it this morning I just couldn't help but feel so grateful to God.
Steve and I have been wanting to start a family for awhile. In fact, we were just getting ready to start trying back January of 08 when the option of moving to Madison came up. For us, moving to Madison meant putting kids on hold for awhile, because we knew that realistically church planting, moving and quitting jobs was not a fitting situation to bring a child into this world.
We knew that moving here to Madison to help plant this church was what God wanted for us, so we put starting a family on hold. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't a little sad.
So, here we were in Madison. Literally, almost every single friend we have here has kids - not a good combination for someone that wants kids but is trying to put that desire on the back burner. We felt that for our first year here we were to focus all of our efforts on what we had moved here to do and once again completely laid down our desire to start a family. It was hard, but we knew it was what we were supposed to do. Steve not having a job for 9 months and us not having any health insurance for a year and half was ironically comforting to me in this area, because with our situation I knew it just wasn't smart to even consider starting a family.
Fast forward to September. Steve was finally hired on as a full time employee and with is came some great health insurance for both of us that we would be eligible for in November. Being new at a job and in this economy I would be a liar if I said I was still a little nervous about a starting a family, but we both spend some time praying about it and really felt God give us a peace about trying.
I also would be a liar if I said I didn't hear my biological clock ticking louder every day since the day I turned 30. Being the detailed person that I am I did a little research and from everything I read I found that a woman in her 30's should expect that it would take anywhere from 9 months to a year of "trying" before she actually got pregnant. Because I felt like I had been waiting for forever to even start trying for a baby, I knew that the waiting process would be very difficult for me. For some reason, I totally prepared myself that by this time next year I still wouldn't be pregnant and the debbie downer in me felt discouraged with the trying process before we even started it. I don't know why, but for some reason, because I feel like we've been so blessed I always think in the back of my mind that our time for heartache is due and expect the worst. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's something that I've always struggled with.
Needless to say, we started trying and God surprised us once again when two weeks later after I started feeling really dizzy and overall yucky and took a pregnancy test (or 3) only to see that little plus sign. Shocked, excited and completely in unbelief did not even begin to describe how I felt. Apparently I'm not to good at keeping a secret, because the next day we had a beer float party at our place to celebrate Steve's birthday and both Jacqueline and Christina figured it out when I "just didn't feel like drinking a beer."
As I lay in bed this morning and thought about how overwhelmed I've been feeling, I couldn't help but be reminded of the little miracle growing inside of me that is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us. Had we been trying for a year and still hadn't become pregnant, God would still be just as faithful, but I can' hep but feel so overwhelmed because He answered our prayers and gave us the desires of our hearts in the most perfect timing. It was extremely hard for us to lay down having a family for the season that we did. Honestly, sometimes I even wonder if we would have still moved here if I could have seen future and known just how hard putting a baby on the back burner would have been. I really feel though that God is smiling down us and saying "thanks for being faithful to lay down your desire for Me, now I'm going to give you the desires of your heart" and that puts so much peace and joy in my heart for our future.
Sure, there are a lot of details that need to be worked out. Namely, how are we going to live on just one income when it's already a struggle to live on two. But, I know that God is bigger than that and when I look at the obstacles we've overcome in the last 2 years, I know that somehow it's all miraculously going to work out, just like it has every other time.
Seriously, the peace that comes with knowing that our God is good and faithful and we can trust him with our entire lives is what keeps me going every single day. I know that we'll experience storms in this life, but it feels so amazing to know that God is on our side and everything happens for a reason. Phew!
Instead of getting up doing housework this morning I decided to just lay in bed and think for awhile. I started thinking about this past year and a half of our lives and this season that we're in now and I had a revelation. Sure, the obstacles may look different than the obstacles we had to overcome last year, but nonetheless all that I'm experiencing right now is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us in the making.
I've told a few people about the story of us getting pregnant (no, not the literal details - gross!), but as I was thinking about it this morning I just couldn't help but feel so grateful to God.
Steve and I have been wanting to start a family for awhile. In fact, we were just getting ready to start trying back January of 08 when the option of moving to Madison came up. For us, moving to Madison meant putting kids on hold for awhile, because we knew that realistically church planting, moving and quitting jobs was not a fitting situation to bring a child into this world.
We knew that moving here to Madison to help plant this church was what God wanted for us, so we put starting a family on hold. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't a little sad.
So, here we were in Madison. Literally, almost every single friend we have here has kids - not a good combination for someone that wants kids but is trying to put that desire on the back burner. We felt that for our first year here we were to focus all of our efforts on what we had moved here to do and once again completely laid down our desire to start a family. It was hard, but we knew it was what we were supposed to do. Steve not having a job for 9 months and us not having any health insurance for a year and half was ironically comforting to me in this area, because with our situation I knew it just wasn't smart to even consider starting a family.
Fast forward to September. Steve was finally hired on as a full time employee and with is came some great health insurance for both of us that we would be eligible for in November. Being new at a job and in this economy I would be a liar if I said I was still a little nervous about a starting a family, but we both spend some time praying about it and really felt God give us a peace about trying.
I also would be a liar if I said I didn't hear my biological clock ticking louder every day since the day I turned 30. Being the detailed person that I am I did a little research and from everything I read I found that a woman in her 30's should expect that it would take anywhere from 9 months to a year of "trying" before she actually got pregnant. Because I felt like I had been waiting for forever to even start trying for a baby, I knew that the waiting process would be very difficult for me. For some reason, I totally prepared myself that by this time next year I still wouldn't be pregnant and the debbie downer in me felt discouraged with the trying process before we even started it. I don't know why, but for some reason, because I feel like we've been so blessed I always think in the back of my mind that our time for heartache is due and expect the worst. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's something that I've always struggled with.
Needless to say, we started trying and God surprised us once again when two weeks later after I started feeling really dizzy and overall yucky and took a pregnancy test (or 3) only to see that little plus sign. Shocked, excited and completely in unbelief did not even begin to describe how I felt. Apparently I'm not to good at keeping a secret, because the next day we had a beer float party at our place to celebrate Steve's birthday and both Jacqueline and Christina figured it out when I "just didn't feel like drinking a beer."
As I lay in bed this morning and thought about how overwhelmed I've been feeling, I couldn't help but be reminded of the little miracle growing inside of me that is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us. Had we been trying for a year and still hadn't become pregnant, God would still be just as faithful, but I can' hep but feel so overwhelmed because He answered our prayers and gave us the desires of our hearts in the most perfect timing. It was extremely hard for us to lay down having a family for the season that we did. Honestly, sometimes I even wonder if we would have still moved here if I could have seen future and known just how hard putting a baby on the back burner would have been. I really feel though that God is smiling down us and saying "thanks for being faithful to lay down your desire for Me, now I'm going to give you the desires of your heart" and that puts so much peace and joy in my heart for our future.
Sure, there are a lot of details that need to be worked out. Namely, how are we going to live on just one income when it's already a struggle to live on two. But, I know that God is bigger than that and when I look at the obstacles we've overcome in the last 2 years, I know that somehow it's all miraculously going to work out, just like it has every other time.
Seriously, the peace that comes with knowing that our God is good and faithful and we can trust him with our entire lives is what keeps me going every single day. I know that we'll experience storms in this life, but it feels so amazing to know that God is on our side and everything happens for a reason. Phew!
1 Comments:
Oh Jen, truly everything is gonna be ok. Your faith has been such an encouragement to me and I love hearing the story of the pregnancy process. God's timing really is perfect!
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