Sticks and stones break my bones...

I've had a lot of time to think to myself lately as most of my days have been spent rocking a fussy 8 1/2 month old as he works on getting some more teeth. Thank God for our glider!

As always, our church is doing a 40 day time of prayer and reflection during the lent season. I've had some specific things and people that I've been focusing a lot of prayer on, but as I've done so, I've started realizing just how many areas that are in my life that I need prayer for.

These last few days I've been thinking about the power of forgiveness, but how forgetting sometimes seems to be so much more difficult. More specifically, the power that words have and how they can affect us. In the recent months, I've had two separate instances where people that I have really cared about have hurt me deeply with their words. I'm not here to dwell on the past, but these past few days I've been pondering forgiveness and forgetting. Is it really possible? I feel like I have been able to offer forgiveness, but still somehow those hurtful words keep running through my mind. So, is it really a place of true forgiveness that I've come to, or because of the fact that I can't seem to forget does it make me the guilty party that holds on to past offenses?

I'd like to think of it as wound that's raw that still hasn't completely healed. Sometimes the wound will leave scars to remind us, but the pain is gone. I'm really hoping that's the case in my life and with these relationships.

I remember a lot about my childhood, but some of the things that stick out to me the most are the hurtful words that my father spoke to me. Now, I can say that I truly do forgive him for that, and those words don't hurt me anymore. But, I feel that as an adult words sometimes have a tendency to hurt worse. With my dad, I knew even as a child that he didn't love me (talk about forgiveness, you'd think after working through that one that I'd be the expert on the topic!), so although many of his words hurt and I didn't even realize just how much until my teen years, I eventually came to the point where I realized that the depth of the hurt was sometimes dependent on the depth of the relationship.

So, here I am as an adult contemplating all of this and wondering if I truly will come to the point where I can not just forgive, but forget. Is it possible? I really want to know. I'd like to think, like with my fathers words that although forgetting may seem impossible, remembering but not feeling the hurt is possible, but I also have to wonder if remembering those hurtful words is just another way to hold something over the head of the person that has offended. I really want to be able to wipe the slate clean, but sometimes I just wonder how it's possible when it seems like words are a constant reminder of pain that was caused.

As I've pondered all of this, I've also started to feel very remorseful about many of the words that I've said that have hurt others. So many times our words can be taken out of context or misunderstood and cause hurt to others that we can't even imagine. Me and my stupid big mouth probably do that a lot, mostly with good intentions though.

As for now, my questions are unanswered, and as much as I miss my sleep, my time awake rocking my sweet baby in the middle of the night has left me lots of time to process the things in my heart. As I've done so, I've been left with the sweet assurance that regardless of my how I feel, God is working in me and it's the process, not the end result that really matters.

Dealing with disappointment

I seem to have the misfortune to have had a lot of great people that I really look up to disappoint me throughout my lifetime. Sometimes I wonder if this is just a normal part of life (which I know it kind of is) or if I just happen to have been unusually unlucky in this area.
The disappointment I'm referring isn't just with the little things, like someone hurt my feelings with something small, but it's been a disappointment with the major choices that some of these people in my life have made that have completely changed the course of their entire lives. At times this has been heartbreaking for me to see.

The earliest recollection I have of experiencing this was when I was in high school and a youth leader that I really looked up to ended up cheating on his wife with one of the other youth leaders. I remember the day that he told me, just days after he had "come clean." To his credit,  he was trying as much as possible to own up to his mistakes. He went to all of the people that he had been close to and personally apologized and made sure that each one of us knew that his mistakes were all because of his stupidity and in no way had anything to do with anything his wonderful wife had done to "drive him to such actions." I remember that was one of the first times I had really been disappointed in someone that I really looked up to.

I had been disappointed by others prior to this, but they had all been people that I hadn't really expected much of anyway, so it didn't really affect me like it did with this youth leader that I had respected so much. So began what felt like my career in looking up to what seemed like the wrong people.

Then I realized that we're all just human and will all make mistakes - some bigger than others. In the last 10 years I've learned a few things. One being that without the grace of God we are all hopeless. Another being that although sometimes tough love is necessary,  unconditional love is a must.

Unconditional love is one of that factors that have come to make close friends more like family. Everyone says that family is forever because no matter what, they have to love you because you share the same DNA. While this true, that seems like it makes it to easy. That is why I've come to appreciate so much the close friends in my life that DON'T share my DNA and therefore don't have to show me that unconditional love, but yet have. Those are the people that could cut me out (or be cut out) of our lives at any moment. I'm thankful to say that I have quite a few of those types of friends that I know will love and support me no matter what.

I am also one of those kind of friends to others and right now I'm dealing with extending that unconditional love while I battle anger and sadness over choices that are being made. What I'm learning in the process though is that none of us are perfect and we all hit bumps along the road - some of those bumps are little potholes and others are huge manholes. Although the size of the bump matters, its if we make it to the flat ground on the other side that's really the most important.

I'm learning to choose and believe that it is possible in all circumstances to make it out of that bump and that the unconditional love that I show in the process is what has the power to help or hurt. It's believing in others when they don't even believe or care to believe in themselves that's important, and I'm learning that it truly is an honor to stand in the gap for someone as they make it out of that bump.

I'm also learning that none of us are above any of the disappointing actions that we see others playing out and because of that I've become even more grateful for the grace of God on my life.

Faith = RISK

We were talking about faith in our community group last night and it got me thinking about what I've learned through my journey in faith.

When I look back on my life, I see that my faith has grown through the little stepping stones of obedience that I've taken. The more that I learn to trust in God, it seems that it gets both easier and harder. Easier in the sense that I know He's never let me down so I don't really have a reason NOT to trust him. Harder in the sense that I've seen a progression, and as I've learned to put more of my trust and faith in God even greater faith has been expected of me.

I think back to our move to Madison.  It took a lot of faith for Steve and I to uproot ourselves, sell our house and move to a new city where we knew absolutely no one and had no jobs. Everyone knows our story. I moved here by myself to look for a job thinking it wouldn't be that difficult while Steve stayed back in St. Louis.  Almost 3 months passed before I finally found a job here and Steve was able to quit his job and join me. What a long few months those were, but my faith was tested in ways it never had been before. Fast forward to Steve joining me here in Madison, when it took him 9 long months to find work. Believe me when I say our trust was in God and God alone through that season. Days (literally) after Steve got hired we decided it was time to start a family.

Faith with that decision comes into play here - had we not had the previous year of testing as our faith was strengthened through having to really trust in God with our situation, I really don't think Asher would be in the picture today. It was growing in our faith and trust in God that brought us to the point of knowing that it was okay to start a family because we knew that we would be taken care of.

Just the other day Steve and I were talking about our old life. When I asked him if he thought we would have started a family yet if we were still living in St. Louis he said no.  Although we were making a whole lot more money there, we hadn't walked through some of the trials that had come about through uprooting our lives here to Madison and I really don't think we would have had the faith to step out and trust God to bring a baby into the picture. I'm just being real, no, I'm not a perfect Christian that always has "the faith to move mountains."

Now, I look back on our journey of faith. It started with trusting God with the little things and now has grown to the point where really I'm not that concerned about our lives because I really do trust God to take care of us. I see the journey from taking that giant leap of faith to uproot our lives and all that I've learned throughout the very detailed process and just how faithful God has been to us.  Quitting my job to stay home with Asher has been another huge leap of faith for us, but again, God has been faithful.

John Wimber, founder of the Vineyard churches, said it well when he said "faith" is spelled R-I-S-K. It really is - taking risks for God is what has strengthened my faith over the years.  I don't know what's in the future for us, but I can guarantee that there will be a lot of risk-taking. The kind that in 10 years will cause me to look back on this season of life, and all of the trusting and faith building that I've done in the last 2 years will seem like a breeze compared to the giant mountain that will be ahead of me.....and that's when grace comes into play. :)

I'm excited to be risk taker for Jesus - scared, but excited. I want my faith to increase, and I know that the only way that will happen is through walking through the challenges of life, and that's something that I'm learning to embrace.

An heart full of thanks...

I mentioned a few days earlier that I've been on a cleaning kick. Truthfully, I've loved it. I'm one of those people that just can't relax in my house if it's messy (with the exception of our bedroom which is ALWAYS messy). Part of my reason for being better about keeping the house clean is really just out of gratefulness. I'm so thankful for all of the blessings that God has given us. We have a nice house and nice things and I just feel like God has blessed us so much that I really want to be a good steward of all that He's given us.

We try to take care of our things and I've come to realize that I haven't always been a good steward of our house. Yes, we try to make repairs when possible, and I'm thankful for the house that God has given us but sometimes you wouldn't know it by the way we live. I want to be better about that. I want to take care of our things because they truly are gifts from God. I find myself almost daily thanking God for our dishwasher, or nice oven that is large enough to fit a normal size cookie sheet in it (no, I'm not just totally weird and random, we had a tiny oven in our last house). A couple of times a week when I'm doing laundry I'm reminded of how grateful I am just to walk down the stairs to wash my clothes rather than having to drive to a laundromat like in the old days of living in a dorm. These are just little things that are easy to take for granted, but they are also all things that I've had to live without before and I have to say they make my life so much easier and for that I'm so thankful.

Really, we are so spoiled. Not just us, but America. I remember having to take the time to heat the water on an oven just to wash the dishes in Brazil. No, all of Brazil does not live that way, but the point is that a large portion of the world does. Can you tell that I haven't left the good ol' USA in awhile? When I used to travel all the time nothing surprised me, but now that I'm a homebody I find it so much easier to take for granted all of these modern conveniences and forget that they are just that - conveniences. Things that I could live without, but sure don't want to!

Anyway all of that to say that I'm realizing more and more just how blessed I am. I really do have a great life and I'm so thankful. God has been so good to us and I don't want to take it for granted. I really do want to be a good steward of the many blessings He's given us - some of them being our home, our finances and the relationships He's put in our lives. Above all, I want to cultivate an attitude of thanks and never forget just how blessed I really am. God has been so, so good to me.

Always on my mind....

I woke up with lots on my mind this morning. Lately I feel like I've been letting my mind run wild, and that's a dangerous thing.

I've had some stuff going on that really is little and trivial, but I feel like I've let myself think about it so much that it's become a giant in my life, and not in a healthy way. It's so hard to not let my mind run crazy sometimes and because of that I tend to make mountains out of molehills. I'm not saying I'm an advocate of stuffing problems to avoid dealing with them, but I do think that sometimes trivial things turn into problems that should have never been considered problems in the first place had they not had the opportunity to be broken down and contemplated so heavily. Now you can see why mind is full of thoughts, sometimes I even confuse myself.

In the midst of all my thoughts at 5:00 am, I figured I might as well just get up and enjoy the silence. Steve had left extra early this morning to meet a friend for coffee before work and the house was silent and peaceful. I made myself a latte and decided that it was time to dust off some really old CD's that had never even made it into i-tunes library (Delirious, Cutting Edge albums for those of you who may be interested). Music has such a calming effect on me.

As I was enjoying my latte filled, baby free (don't worry, he was here, just sleeping) morning I realized that really I always seem to make life way more complex then it should be. For not being all that smart, I seem to constantly over analyze everything to an annoying extend. Really, what I realized though is that at the end of the day my life comes down to two questions:

Did I love Jesus with all of my heart today, and did I love others like Jesus has shown love to me? Really, it's that simple. Love God, Love People. Why do we (I) as human beings make it so complicated sometimes? I think it's when we forget about the simplicity of the gospel and loving Jesus that we lose our balance in life. I know for me, it's true.

There is such complexity to these two simple solutions that literally can solve every conundrum in life, and although love is easier said than done, I think we over complicate, over analyze and all around disregard the simple power of it.

For me, I've got the loving people down for today (at least for the 4 hours I've been awake), but it's the loving God, or more letting him love me and trusting in that love that is my challenge for the day.

Here we go!

Counting My Blessings.....

As I become more and more pregnant I've started to feel like I have a ticking time bomb growing in my belly. With each passing week, I'm reminded of all the things we need to do to get ready for Baby Rod, and I've allowed myself to get more and more overwhelmed.
Mostly, I've found that the root of my worries is in all the unknowns. I wonder how exactly we're going to live on one income, how much having a baby will cost and where we're going to get all the stuff we need to care for a child. As I look at things like Cribs, Changing Tables and Strollers all that I see is big dollar signs.

It's in these moments though that I'm realizing that I just need to relax and look at how much God has blessed. I feel like God is taking me through yet another season of learning to trust in Him. Why can't I ever get it?

So, to combat my worries and fears I decided to list some of the many blessings that I have. Thinking about all the good things we have been given always completely brings me back to the reality that God is with us and taking care of us.

Here's some of the wonderful blessings we have encountered, big and small.

- Steve has a job with GREAT health insurance. Last year at this time he had no job and we were uninsured.

- We just refinanced our mortgage and got an awesome interest rate!

- We have two dependable cars....one other thing we couldn't have said at this time last year.

- We have an awesome house with a now refinished basement that allows room for our family to expand.

- We finally have found some really great friends that we absolutely adore here in Madison and don't feel quite as lonely and displaced anymore.

- Although we still need to buy A LOT of baby stuff, we have already been given or found great deals on a few essential items such as a pack & play, a breast pump, a baby monitor and a few cloth diapers to get us going. Not only that, but all of the above are high quality items at that!

And last, but certainly not least, in the midst of the stress of having a baby, I often times forget to stop and thank God for this little "stress" that He has brought into our lives. He has answered our prayers and given us our hearts desires, and for that I am so thankful!

So, these are some of our recent blessings, some are big and some seem small, but all of them are little reminders to me that God is taking care of us. I don't know why I worry so much, it's stupid, I know, but I've found that through my worry God always finds a way to give me some great perspective, and for that I am grateful.

Cherishing Every Moment....

It's been kind of a depressing week.

On Tuesday I got the news that a friend of mine from my high school days had ended her battle with cancer. Jill was just 33 and left behind a husband and 2 year old son.

Wednesday, I woke up and found out that overnight another friend from Texas had also lost her battle to breast cancer in the early morning hours. Karen was just 32 and left behind her husband George.

Both of these ladies were amazing. Actually, they didn't know each other, but both of them were missionaries and had spent their adult lives giving of themselves to others. It's so heartbreaking for me to think about what their families must be going through.

My news of friends that have passed, mixed with the news of all the lives that were lost in the earthquake in Haiti really helps put things in perspective. Suddenly, how much money is in our bank account and all the things I need to do around the house just don't really seem to matter anymore. I'm sitting in a warm house with a husband that is very much alive and a child in my belly that I just can't wait to meet, while my friend George sits alone and makes funeral arrangements for his wife that passed away in what was supposed to be the prime of her life.

When I was younger I would have never imagined that at just 30 years old I would be able to look through my old photo albums and see so many faces that have already completed their time here on earth. It's sad, but makes me so grateful for every moment that I have while I'm still here. I don't want to waste my life. So many times I get stuck in a rut thinking about the little things that really aren't important and it causes me to miss out on all the life that is right in front of me.

All that to say....I haven't really made any resolutions for the New Year, but if there's one thing that I want to learn it's to love more and worry less about the little things. That is the constant choice that is put before me, and little by little I'm learning to let go of the unimportant and focus on all the blessings that God has given me.

Everything's gonna be okay....

Considering that I'm constantly exhausted, I still find it amazing that I can't sleep in past 7:00 on a Saturday morning. I somehow subconsciously keep thinking that I'm late for work and it stresses me out.
Instead of getting up doing housework this morning I decided to just lay in bed and think for awhile. I started thinking about this past year and a half of our lives and this season that we're in now and I had a revelation. Sure, the obstacles may look different than the obstacles we had to overcome last year, but nonetheless all that I'm experiencing right now is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us in the making.
I've told a few people about the story of us getting pregnant (no, not the literal details - gross!), but as I was thinking about it this morning I just couldn't help but feel so grateful to God.
Steve and I have been wanting to start a family for awhile. In fact, we were just getting ready to start trying back January of 08 when the option of moving to Madison came up. For us, moving to Madison meant putting kids on hold for awhile, because we knew that realistically church planting, moving and quitting jobs was not a fitting situation to bring a child into this world.
We knew that moving here to Madison to help plant this church was what God wanted for us, so we put starting a family on hold. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't a little sad.
So, here we were in Madison. Literally, almost every single friend we have here has kids - not a good combination for someone that wants kids but is trying to put that desire on the back burner. We felt that for our first year here we were to focus all of our efforts on what we had moved here to do and once again completely laid down our desire to start a family. It was hard, but we knew it was what we were supposed to do. Steve not having a job for 9 months and us not having any health insurance for a year and half was ironically comforting to me in this area, because with our situation I knew it just wasn't smart to even consider starting a family.

Fast forward to September. Steve was finally hired on as a full time employee and with is came some great health insurance for both of us that we would be eligible for in November. Being new at a job and in this economy I would be a liar if I said I was still a little nervous about a starting a family, but we both spend some time praying about it and really felt God give us a peace about trying.
I also would be a liar if I said I didn't hear my biological clock ticking louder every day since the day I turned 30. Being the detailed person that I am I did a little research and from everything I read I found that a woman in her 30's should expect that it would take anywhere from 9 months to a year of "trying" before she actually got pregnant. Because I felt like I had been waiting for forever to even start trying for a baby, I knew that the waiting process would be very difficult for me. For some reason, I totally prepared myself that by this time next year I still wouldn't be pregnant and the debbie downer in me felt discouraged with the trying process before we even started it. I don't know why, but for some reason, because I feel like we've been so blessed I always think in the back of my mind that our time for heartache is due and expect the worst. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's something that I've always struggled with.
Needless to say, we started trying and God surprised us once again when two weeks later after I started feeling really dizzy and overall yucky and took a pregnancy test (or 3) only to see that little plus sign. Shocked, excited and completely in unbelief did not even begin to describe how I felt. Apparently I'm not to good at keeping a secret, because the next day we had a beer float party at our place to celebrate Steve's birthday and both Jacqueline and Christina figured it out when I "just didn't feel like drinking a beer."

As I lay in bed this morning and thought about how overwhelmed I've been feeling, I couldn't help but be reminded of the little miracle growing inside of me that is just another testimony of God's faithfulness to us. Had we been trying for a year and still hadn't become pregnant, God would still be just as faithful, but I can' hep but feel so overwhelmed because He answered our prayers and gave us the desires of our hearts in the most perfect timing. It was extremely hard for us to lay down having a family for the season that we did. Honestly, sometimes I even wonder if we would have still moved here if I could have seen future and known just how hard putting a baby on the back burner would have been. I really feel though that God is smiling down us and saying "thanks for being faithful to lay down your desire for Me, now I'm going to give you the desires of your heart" and that puts so much peace and joy in my heart for our future.
Sure, there are a lot of details that need to be worked out. Namely, how are we going to live on just one income when it's already a struggle to live on two. But, I know that God is bigger than that and when I look at the obstacles we've overcome in the last 2 years, I know that somehow it's all miraculously going to work out, just like it has every other time.

Seriously, the peace that comes with knowing that our God is good and faithful and we can trust him with our entire lives is what keeps me going every single day. I know that we'll experience storms in this life, but it feels so amazing to know that God is on our side and everything happens for a reason. Phew!

Thriving or just barely surviving?

I've been really struggling with finding balance in life. For pretty much my entire life I've had a hard time with this really, but lately it's just been more evident. We've got a lot on our plate and I think it's high time that I learn how to balance things better. I know there's a time and a season for everything and although I'm not sure how to balance everything that we've got going on right now I do feel like we've said "Yes" to the things we're supposed to and "No" to the things that we're not.

That being said, I'm sick of just barely surviving. Sick of feeling tired and wondering where the time is always going and most of all sick of feeling like there's not enough hours in the day.

I was reading in the Bible this evening about a story of John the Baptist rebuking people that had come to get baptized only because it was the "popular" thing to do. John told the people that it was their LIFE that had to change, not water on their skin. He then asked the people if their life was "green and blossoming" and it helped me evaluate my own life. Am I growing and thriving? In some areas I can give that a definite YES, but in others it seems like I just keep coming back to the same old hiccup time and time again. I want to be thriving in all areas, I just don't know how to get there.

There are so many areas in my life where I just feel comfortable. You know, those areas that we all have where we can't really say that we're growing and become better people, but we're also not digressing to become worse people.

For me, these are often the stagnant places of my heart that get little attention. For instance, I have little patience for arrogant attention seekers. I find myself getting annoyed with people that act out arrogantly simply to get attention. Most of the time though, I don't stop and think that really all of that arrogance just stems from insecurity. If I would just look at people and realize that they act the way they do for a deeper reason, rather than get annoyed and judge them, I would have a lot more of compassion to give out to people. This is just one (of the many) areas that I need to grow in. This is also a good example of one area where I have become comfortable and stagnant - because I'm so used to myself and don't challenge myself to grow in my love for others. When I'm really honest with myself and stop and evaluate ME, its then that I see the attitudes of my heart and the areas that I need to change.

Two questions help me with my self evaluation of growth and they're very simple questions:

1. Am I growing and becoming more like Jesus in my daily life? If not, why and in what areas?
2. Am I causing others to want to grow and become more like Jesus?

These questions usually pretty much sum it up for me. They're Yes/No questions with no gray area. Most of the time I find that I'm not where I should be and it's in those times that I'm so thankful for God's grace and mercy. I know that I will never in my lifetime be perfect, in fact I won't even come close. I know that I'm a constant work in progress and am learning to find joy in the journey - even though sometimes it sucks, it's really hard and most of the time it causes me to step outside of my comfort zone and be nice when I don't feel like it.

I do, however, want to be that person that can lay my head down on my pillow at night and know that I did the best I could and be proud of myself for that and look forward to tomorrow as a new opportunity to grow. Hopefully I will become more "green and blossoming" rather than stagnant and dying.

Knocked Up and Joyful

Our little church has been growing, so now along with our Sunday services we will be adding three weekly community groups that meet during the week to share life together. Steve and I will be hosting and leading one of those community groups at our house starting up in a few weeks.

We love hosting groups and being hospitable, but this is the first time that we're actually leading a group as far as providing a teaching from the Bible is concerned. I'm a little nervous because I love learning, but don't feel like I'm a very adequate teacher. I have this fear that I'm going to steer people wrong, so it has caused me to pray a lot and know that I'm totally dependent on God.

Anyway, right now in church the sermon series has been called "Discovering Jesus". It's taking a more in depth look on the life of Jesus in the New Testament books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John that tell Jesus' story. They were all written by different disciples and although all the stories line up together, they're all told from the different perspectives of the particular author.

Our community groups will be studying more in-depth some of these books and Steve and I decided that we would like our group to study the book of Luke. Luke was an outsider and because of that loved reaching out to the outsiders and those who didn't necessarily fit in - such as common laborers, those who were racially different, the poor and those who were kind of just written off as weird.

Steve and I also really have a heart to reach those who would be considered common day outsiders, so we decided that Luke would be a good book for our group to study. I haven't even really started the in-depth study so much, but already feel like I'm learning a lot.

This morning I was reading in Luke 1 about Mary (Jesus' mother) and how the angel came to tell her that she was pregnant. I've always though about how overwhelming that must have been for her and how I would have reacted, but haven't really stopped to take the time to really think about how she actually handled the news.

What's crazy is that she had such a trust in God that she was joyful and willing to serve immediately after she got the news that she was pregnant. If I put myself in her shoes I know that I would most undoubtedly be freaking out and trying to figure how I was going to explain to everyone (especially my fiance) that even though I was pregnant I was still a virgin and haven't been messing around. Of course, I would be thinking about what everyone would be thinking about me, because for obvious reasons nobody would have believed my story. I would be afraid of becoming an outcast to my family and loved ones. Not Mary though, she just said, "I am the Lord's and I am here and ready to serve."

How crazy is that?!?! She didn't even take the time to stop and doubt and freak out because she trusted God that much, and not only did she trust Him, she trusted Him with a grateful heart! She was thankful that God had put her in this crazy situation.

What a lesson to me. This last year has been a year of having our faith tested and so many times being thankful was at the very bottom of my Spiritual "to-do" list. So many times I was too busy freaking out and asking God what he was going to do next, that many times I forgot to just be thankful for all the He was doing in me. I was so busy putting my trust in Him while trying to come up with a backup plan of my own in the meantime. I know realistically that's just not how trusting in God works, but fear and worry is often times a weakness of mine.

Mary's faith is such an example to me and when I look at all the obstacles that were in front of her as she had a blessing growing inside of her, I hope and pray that my life can resemble the attitude of faith, joy, gratefulness and a willingness to serve like she had.

You want me to build WHAT?!?!

Last night Steve and I watched "Evan Almighty" for the first time. Such a cute movie and I felt so encouraged afterwards.
Everyone's heard the story of Noah and the Ark. I haven't really read it in awhile, nor have I stopped to think about it, but really, like so many of the other stories in the Bible, it's CRAZY!
Seriously, I could not imagine if God told me to build a giant Ark. I would probably think I was the one that was crazy and seek mental help immediately.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Of course I believe in the Bible - I believe that every single word of it is true, but some times it's really easy to forget the reality of all the crazy stuff that God did in the Bible. It's almost like that was not only another time (which it obviously was) but a different God too. What's crazy is that the God that told Noah to build an ark is the same God that I'm serving today.
Really, I have to say that when I compare my life to Noah's, I have it pretty easy!

When I think about that crazy story and how Noah must have felt though, I just can't help but feel so encouraged. Imagine having your family, colleagues and basically the entire world think your insane and scoff you for building a huge boat in the middle of a drought. If I knew someone today that was doing that, I would think they're crazy to! But, look at the outcome and the fulfillment of God's promise to Noah. How incredibly amazing is that? It really puts things into perspective for me. Here I am wondering if we'll ever be in a financial place to start a family. I worry about our cars getting us to work in the morning, how I'm going to get everything done that I need to, what's going to happen with issues surrounding our extended family and friends, but so often I forget that I serve HUGE God.
The same God that told Noah to build an Ark and fulfilled his promises to Him is the same God that is going to take care of my "problems" that all seem so trivial when I really look at the big picture.
God has ALWAYS taken care of me in the past and has never let me down once, so you would think that by now I would get it and know that He's always going to be faithful to continue to take care of us. Being reminded of Noah's story gives me so much hope for OUR story. I know that truly is it GOD who is in control of our lives and I love that He's taking care of the details.

On another note....we did end up buying a car this weekend. My years as a Realtor that loves to negotiate paid off. We spent 2 1/2 hours negotiating with the owner of the dealership and walked out with a steal! Literally, we got the car for $6,000.00 less than what KBB says the car is worth is worth. We are very pleased!

It's All About Perspective

Yesterday I left work late....again. Things have been stressful at work these last few weeks which has left me no choice but to come in early and leave late. As I walked to my car I was kind of grumbling to myself about how I hate that I never actually get to leave at 5:00 like I'm supposed to until I stopped and was reminded of just how blessed I am just to have a job. It seems like every day I'm hearing on the news about more jobs being lost and here I am feeling frustrated because I think I'm working too much!

A I thought of all of this as I was driving home I was reminded of all the complaints that have been in my mind these last few weeks that really are so ridiculous and then I promptly had a good laugh at myself. Really, I am so blessed and have no right or reason to complain at all.

I made a mental list of all my "complaints" and with every single one of them was able to come up with a reason why things weren't as bad as they seemed after all.

I've been complaining that Steve is still a temp and hasn't got hired on as a full time employee at the company he's been working at, when the reality is that he's not only been promoted but the company is spending money investing in him. They've already paid for him to spend a week in Chicago next month for further training. Yes, he doesn't have the security of knowing he's their "permanent employee" yet, but he has had steady work since April and it's probably only a matter of time before they hire him on for real.

I've been bummed out because right now we don't have health insurance, but haven't stopped to think about how we are so blessed that had we been insured we wouldn't have had to use the insurance anyway. We're so healthy that neither one of us has had a reason to go the doctor in nearly a year.

I've been complaining because I miss my friends back home, but in reality I've been able to see at least one of my friends from St. Louis on almost a weekly basis for the past few months through either them visiting us here or us taking a trip home.

I've been complaining because it just seems like we don't make enough money to do anything we want to or save for our future, but in reality we are so blessed to be able to pay all of the bills and with the exception of our mortgage have absolutely no debt at all.

When I really sit back and think about all my "complaints" I can't help but just feel really blessed. Really, nothing in life will ever be just how I like it, but when I really stop at look at all my complaints vs. my blessings I can't help but feel so blessed and taken care of by God.

Now, the really hard part is just reminding myself to stop and think about the many blessings in my life rather then get down about the things I have no control over.

The 5 Love Languges

Last night Steve got another flat tire on the way home from hurling practice (this is the second flat tire he's got in the last 2 weeks). Luckily he was able to air it up enough to make it home. Once he got home he went outside to change it and our sweet neighbor came out insistent that she call AAA and have them come change it.

Steve is not only completely capable of changing the tire on his own, but if we wanted to we could have called AAA ourselves, as we also are members. It was so sweet and cute how our neighbor really wanted us to use the service that "she pays for but never uses" and after her suggesting it more than 5 times Steve finally gave in and figured it was important to her that we let her help us out, even though we didn't really need it. It was so sweet and thoughtful, but made me sad for her. Her elderly father passed away last month and I think she wanted to feel needed by someone because she used to help him out so much.

It was just a good reminder to me that sometimes people need to feel needed and that's okay. Most of the time when others sacrifice for me it makes me feel bad, but it's because I'm forgetting that by allowing them to love on us we're making them feel loved, appreciated and needed. So many times I forget that not everyone is like me and feels love the same way I do. One of the most useful books I have ever read is The Five Love Languages. It was actually written for couples, and has not only enriched my marriage, but actually has also enriched my relationships with all of the people that I love. It's basically all about finding out how others like to give and receive love and then speaking their "love language" in your relationship - whether it be by encouraging words, quality time spent together, acts of service, physical touch or by giving (or receiving) a gift.

Anyway, all of this got me thinking and just makes me want to be more aware of how others give and receive love, so that I can allow them to be who they are rather than just ignorantly think that everyone speaks the same "love language" that I do. So many times it's easy to forget that just because we think and act a certain way doesn't mean that everyone else thinks and acts that same way. It's good to be reminded from time to time that's it's not all about me, but more about me being aware of others. Sometimes I can be really selfish and forget that, but I really want to change that in me. I have a feeling that one's going to be a life-long learning curve though. :)