|My 3 guys|
I'm not even sure where to begin, but I think I want to write more to process my own thoughts than to fill you all in on the not so exciting details of our lives.
For a little background information, we took Asher in for his 12 month check up back in July and the doctor had a few concerns. It hasn't really been something I've blogged about for various reason, such as I haven't really known how to process my thoughts, the findings have been long and detailed, and really we're hoping that in the big picture none of this will be a big deal, so we're trying to not make a big deal out of it.
Anyway, without going into to many boring details, Asher is delayed in several areas, but the most concerning has been that he has low muscle tone. After asking million of questions, I'm still confused as to what that is, as the therapist's that we've met with said that he's actually very strong for his age. Apparently low muscle tone and strong muscles are two completely different things. Anyway, all of this has to deal with so many problems such as his feeding (he's currently eating at around a 9 month level) and what he can chew, his energy, his pain tolerance (which is unusually high) and so on and so forth. Basically to sum it up, he doesn't feel a lot of sensation. We've started therapy for him, and are hopeful that things will get better, although no one really knows for sure how this will affect him long term.
So, that's that. Fast forward to Monday. We took Atley in for his 2 month appointment and something I've feared but haven't vocalized was confirmed. The doctor thinks that it's possible that Atley has the same problems. After being told some of the signs of the low muscle tone, I've been kind of paying attention to details with my newborn that most moms would never think to notice. Atley has had a hard time with feeding, not quite as much as Asher did, but the underlying problems have been the same, and I've been noticing that Atley's cheeks are starting to get big and puffy and sink down like Asher's did. I didn't want to mention anything to the doctor, because honestly I thought I was just being a paranoid mom, but unfortunately she noticed some of the same things. She said that normally it wouldn't be something that was concerning to her at this young age, but because of what we now know about Asher, she's seeing a similar pattern that raises some flags.
So, my next question is why? As far as Steve and I know, there's no history of these problems on either side of our family, but the doctor mentioned that sometimes a mother and father's genetic makeup doesn't always fit together like it should. So, now the doctors are wanting to do some genetic testing on the boys to try and see where all of this stems from. It's all just to much information to digest sometimes. I really was fine with all of it until a few innocent comments got me thinking about the future. We dropped Asher off in the Y childcare center last night and one of the workers mentioned about how tough he was and that he'd make a good football player once he got older. Such an innocent comment, but it got me thinking about how I want my boys to be able to do anything that they want to and not be held back, but the reality is that low muscle tone kids excel in gymnastics, not football.
I know, I know, it's silly, but I think that as a mom it's heartbreaking to think of your childs future and know that there's a possibility that you won't be able to cheer them on in whatever it is that they decide they want to pursue. I know, I'm getting way ahead of myself here with what the future holds for our kids, but it's so hard for me to NOT think about this. Mostly, I think just because I want to raise strong confident kids and I know that other kids can be so cruel and the thought of my babies getting picked on because they're "different" is just so hard for me to digest.
Another part of me feels guilty - guilty for even worrying about this stuff when in reality we have been so blessed to have such healthy children. I think of one of my friends who has a 2 year old daughter that is battling leukemia right now and feel ashamed that I'm even bothering to put an ounce of worry into the "problems" that we're facing. Back when we first found out about all of this, we had another scare that something might be wrong with Asher's heart. He had a murmur that was getting louder, so we had to send him to the childrens hospital for several tests, which thankfully came out just fine. It was just a scare, but I remember at the time feeling so grateful and positive about all of these non-life threatening developmental delays because all that mattered to me was that my baby had a healthy heart. It really put thing into perspective for me.