Long Days and Strange Dreams...

I've been doing it again....laying awake at night worrying about all the things that I need to get done. I always know that it's time to take a breather when that starts happening. I've been up late every night this week and it's been so exhausting! It should be a busy weekend and hopefully I can get a little bit of rest on the 3 days next week when our house will be guest free before my mom comes to visit for a few days.

Last night I had the strangest dream that someone had spray painted graffiti all over the front of our house, sidewalk and yard while we were sleeping. What was crazy was that the artwork was amazing and quite impressive! Such a weird dream though!
I also had a dream last night that someone was trying to kill me and the police were interrogating me about my enemies. The dream was so real and I woke up thinking about the only person that I'm aware of that could be considered an enemy. Technically she's not MY enemy as I don't have a problem with her, but she has expressed that she hates me (for the funniest reason ever), so I guess maybe that could classify as an enemy? It's kind of a good feeling to know that I don't really have any enemies....at least that I know of!
I rarely EVER dream, so I thought that it was really odd that I had two very vivid dreams last night.

We'll have a bunch of folks from St. Louis coming up for the weekend. Six, in fact, which means that we will have 10 adults in the house sharing just one shower. Things should be interesting!

Old Souls like mine...

Fall is definitely about here. You wanna know how I know? Because I've been craving a cup of peppermint tea in the evening. Usually I only drink tea at night when it's cold out. Does that make me an "old soul"? Sometimes I find that I have a lot more in common with my elderly clients that I would have ever thought and it kind of concerns me a little. I never used to be such a creature of habit, but I've found as I get older that I'm really becoming quite set in my ways.

To add insult to injury with the reality of my aging, the other day I had to switch out my old faithful Palm Phone for a Blackberry and it made me feel SO old. I felt so not hip (as if I was ever hip) as the salesguy was explaining to me why digital voicemail is so great (if you don't have time to listen to your voicemails it's translated into text for you so you can just read it instead) and all of the great things I can do when I download the Facebook, Twitter and Flickr apps. Well, to be quite honest I could care less. I sit in front a computer all day long, why should I be so excited do these things on my tiny screen on the phone? That what I said in front of two of the salespeople and they looked at my like I was nuts, NUTS! I guess what's so great is that you have the option of doing these things.
Really though, I hate the thought of people being able to get a hold of me via email when I'm out on a date with my husband. It's true, I really DON"T want to be that accessible! I don't like the fact that I have no excuse to not know something because after all, I do have the internet on my phone and can just look it up in a second. I got this stupid blackberry so that I could keep my life organized....not so that I could surf the next 24/7.

Why does everyone seem to think that this is so insane? As I've talked to people they think I am so absolutely crazy for not wanting all of these great features on my phone. Sure, maybe I will use them once in awhile, but I will not be one of those annoying people that are unrecognizable without their phone in front of their face.

I feel like my grandpa for getting so annoyed with "young people these days" and the way the world and technology is changing so fast and I can't help but laugh at myself because I've become one of "THOSE" people that I used to make fun of.

Yes, the rumors are true....I'm not hip, cutting edge or technologically in the loop, I'm just old school Jenny.

You want me to build WHAT?!?!

Last night Steve and I watched "Evan Almighty" for the first time. Such a cute movie and I felt so encouraged afterwards.
Everyone's heard the story of Noah and the Ark. I haven't really read it in awhile, nor have I stopped to think about it, but really, like so many of the other stories in the Bible, it's CRAZY!
Seriously, I could not imagine if God told me to build a giant Ark. I would probably think I was the one that was crazy and seek mental help immediately.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Of course I believe in the Bible - I believe that every single word of it is true, but some times it's really easy to forget the reality of all the crazy stuff that God did in the Bible. It's almost like that was not only another time (which it obviously was) but a different God too. What's crazy is that the God that told Noah to build an ark is the same God that I'm serving today.
Really, I have to say that when I compare my life to Noah's, I have it pretty easy!

When I think about that crazy story and how Noah must have felt though, I just can't help but feel so encouraged. Imagine having your family, colleagues and basically the entire world think your insane and scoff you for building a huge boat in the middle of a drought. If I knew someone today that was doing that, I would think they're crazy to! But, look at the outcome and the fulfillment of God's promise to Noah. How incredibly amazing is that? It really puts things into perspective for me. Here I am wondering if we'll ever be in a financial place to start a family. I worry about our cars getting us to work in the morning, how I'm going to get everything done that I need to, what's going to happen with issues surrounding our extended family and friends, but so often I forget that I serve HUGE God.
The same God that told Noah to build an Ark and fulfilled his promises to Him is the same God that is going to take care of my "problems" that all seem so trivial when I really look at the big picture.
God has ALWAYS taken care of me in the past and has never let me down once, so you would think that by now I would get it and know that He's always going to be faithful to continue to take care of us. Being reminded of Noah's story gives me so much hope for OUR story. I know that truly is it GOD who is in control of our lives and I love that He's taking care of the details.

On another note....we did end up buying a car this weekend. My years as a Realtor that loves to negotiate paid off. We spent 2 1/2 hours negotiating with the owner of the dealership and walked out with a steal! Literally, we got the car for $6,000.00 less than what KBB says the car is worth is worth. We are very pleased!

I've been reminded these last 2 days that fall is on it's way.
We had Nich & Sarah over for dinner on Wednesday and on Thursday when I woke up I thought for sure that Nich had played some nasty joke on us and changed all the times on the clocks in our house. It was still really dark outside and normally it's pretty sunny. I checked my phone and saw that it was indeed 6:00 am. So depressing! I don't like it when it's still dark out when I wake up!

This morning wasn't much different. I am so sad for summertime to end and so not looking forward to another cold winter.

Enough complaining about that though. We're crossing our fingers that we get a new(er) car this weekend! We found what seems to be a pretty good deal on a Subaru Forester in Milwaukee so we're heading over there in the morning to see if we can haggle them a little. Both Steve and I have been feeling like our Subaru is going to die any day now. It's not been so happy for the last year or so, but it's just getting worse and worse. We are huge fans of Subaru's and learned last winter that it is kind of nice to have an AWD car here in the winter, so we're really hoping this one works out. Since neither Steve nor I are mechanically inclined we were going to take our knowledgeable friend Mike with us to check out the car, but he just told us last night that he's has to work now, so we're kind of nervous about going without him. Hopefully all will work out okay and we'll come home with a better car tomorrow!

On to other news....Steve met with the HR rep from work to sign some paperwork yesterday. He came home with all of the benefit information and I'm sending him back today to make sure they in fact gave him all of the paperwork he needs. He didn't bring back anything but what the medical insurance covers (which seems to be good) and the cost of dental for me. There were no amounts listed for what my medical insurance would cost, and he thinks that the company might cover me 100%! with no monthly premiums!! How awesome would that be?!? If definitely would help us to feel a little better about the low salary! I don't want to get too excited yet, because it truly does seem to good to be true, but my fingers are crossed.

Time to head off to my last day of work before we head into yet another busy weekend....

How my mind ticks...or doesn't.

Seriously, sometimes the things I think (or don't) about make me wonder if I'm going crazy!
This morning I went to the medicine cabinet to get some mouthwash out, only after I opened the door I had completely forgotten what I had opened the door for in the first place. It took me a few seconds of standing there looking at everything I had on the shelves to figure out what I was doing. Is that normal for a 30 year old? I've noticed happenings like that a lot lately.

Another funny, yet ridiculous thought that ran through my mind this morning happened while I was trying to decide what to wear. I put on some pants that I hadn't worn in over a year and they were huge on me. Me, the girl who is desperately trying to lose weight thought to myself "well, I guess if I gain a little weight they would probably look ok". It took me about 2 seconds to realize just how ridiculous that mindset was. Imagine trying to gain weight to better fit into an ugly pair of pants that you don't even like and most-likely got for $5.00 off the Target clearance rack....craziness!

Did I mention that I also drove almost halfway to my Hilldale office this morning before I remembered that I was supposed to be working in my Fitchburg office?

I don't know why, but I've been so exhausted lately and I'm hoping that's the excuse I can use to blame my nonsense on.

On Monday night I was working on addressing invites for Sarah's baby shower and totally fell asleep on the couch, pen in hand, at 9:45. Last night I was so exhausted when I got home at 7:00 that I stayed up long enough to make dinner and sit around at the table talking to Dale & Jacqueline for awhile before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and ended up going to bed a little after 9:00 - and I still feel exhausted this morning after getting 9 hours of sleep!

Both Steve and I have been under a little more stress than normal lately, but to be acting like a complete exhausted lunatic seems just a little overboard. This isn't normal is it?

Hopefully this will all pass soon or else I'm going to start getting very concerned!

Weekend Update

I'm not sure what's going on with my eyes in this picture, I promise I was not only awake, but also completely sober! Not the best picture of me ever, but oh well!
We had a fun, but busy weekend with AJ in town. It was so good to hang out with a familiar friend and Steve was so happy to have him around. It was especially timely for Steve to have a good friend to laugh with.Hanging out at Chris & Tina's

Saturday we took him down to the Union for famous Babcock ice cream and then Saturday evening we all went to The Grumpy Troll in Mt. Horeb.
Mt. Horeb, WI is not only the troll capitol of the world, but also the mustard capitol of the world! I had never been there before, but in the last few weeks I've literally heard 3 or 4 different people talk about this place. When you drive in to town there's little trolls all over. I couldn't really decide if it was more cute or creepy, but I'm venturing to err more on the side of creepy.
The Grumpy Troll was a fun little restaurant/brewery with good beer. We tried a bunch of samplers of all their beers and they were pretty tasty! I especially liked the coffee flavored beer. Sounds gross, but it was oh so heavenly!
I'm also pleased to announce that I kicked butt in Uno! I normally am so not good at games, but the coffee flavored beer must have given me the kick I needed, because I kicked some serious booty! I know, I know, it's just Uno, but I gotta brag about something, right?
Being a good sport despite his big loss. :)
All in all it was a good weekend. We haven't been home much at all, so I was actually looking forward to coming home yesterday afternoon to clean the house. Crazy, huh?

On to other news, despite the attempt at negotiating salary, the company that has offered Steve a job refuses to come up from their original offer. He needs a job very badly, so we just decided to take it. Realistically it's not enough money for us to make it, but when I look back on the last year of our life literally everything that has happened to us has been a miracle, so we are completely trusting that God will work it all out. I know it will be fine, I'm just really interested to see the creative way that God uses to work things out this time. All in all we are so very grateful that he was even offered a job with the way things are with the current job market. Really, when you look at the big picture we just can't help but feel thankful. Despite my occasional complaints, we really are so blessed!

Life and the promises of God...

AJ's in town from Texas until Sunday. We went out to Capitol Brewery last night and it my heart good to see my husband so happy to spend time with his good friend.
It's been a stressful week, so having a friend in town is just what he needed.

We got some good news and some bad news yesterday. Steve was finally offered a job at the company that he's been working for as a temp. The good news is that he finally has found work. The bad news is that they don't want to pay him hardly anything. Even in spite of the fact that we have no debt (besides our mortgage) it's hardly enough to live off of. I can't imagine how people with lots of debt are staying afloat in these times. I feel bad for being bummed that he's finally found a job - something we've been praying for for MONTHS, but the realistic and number-crunching side of me can't help but feel a little bit disappointed. We're not greedy by any means, but reality is reality. Steve will be negotiating with them a little bit today, so please, please keep us in you prayers that they would be able to pay him just a little bit more than what they offered. Our goal is that he gets paid at least as much as I am (which still isn't much), hopefully a little bit more.

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with other things in life these past few days. I've never been a person that feels to ashamed to admit my struggles or when I'm going through a hard time. I am, however unfortunately the type of person that can sometimes get so overwhelmed by being overwhelmed that it makes me even more overwhelmed. It's crazy, I know, but I'm just being honest with where I'm at and where I'm at right now is a place called bummed out. I don't want to allow myself to let life get me down by some of the things that are going on, and just feel the need for some perspective and a reminder of God's promises, so I've been looking through the Bible and reflecting on some of the promises of God and it's really helped.
Here's a few verses I've been reminding myself of lately:

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth"
(Psalms 145.18)

The Lord gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm. So always trust the Lord
because he is forever our mighty rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. (II Corinthians 9:8)

I am so thankful for God's promises in our lives. When I look back on my 30 years of life the hand of God is so evident and His promises for me even more real. Even through a messed up childhood in a dysfunctional family I see God's redemption and I am so thankful for everything He's brought me through. He truly has been so good to me and I can't help but feel thankful. All it takes for me is walking down "memory lane" and reflecting on all I've come through and it gives me so much hope for the future and some of the things we're dealing with now. Once again I'm reminded how important positive perspective is...

Choosing to love

I've been thinking about love these last few days and how complicated acting in love can be.
Of course doing the "right" thing is always the most loving, but what about those times when there's not a clear-cut right or wrong solution? Sometimes the right answer seems to be multi-faceted. Obviously choosing to love someone is choosing the highest good for them, but what about those times when you don't know what that highest good is?

Those are the things I've been pondering lately and I still haven't really found a way to reconcile these questions in my heart. I've had to search my heart and make sure that the love I'm choosing to show comes from a pure heart with no motives and strings attached on my end. When emotions get involved things always get tricky.

I'm trying to step out of the situation look at things from a broader perspective and figure out how I can best show love to some of the people in my life that really need it now, but I'm struggling to figure out what kind of action that means on my part.

I still am not sure I have any of the answers that I need, but I feel encouraged when I look back on the life of Jesus and how He chose to love. Sometimes it was in a gentle way, sometimes it was a tough love and other times he loved completely with actions and no words at all. I may not have all of the answers that I need, but I'm thankful that I have such an awesome example to model myself after. In the meantime though....love stinks, yeah, yeah!

Mr. & Mrs. Perkins

We made a pit stop at McGurks on our way into town and tried the special edition Guinness 250! It was so tasty!
The Rodriguez summer of love tour has ended with final wedding of the summer last weekend in St. Louis. It's so weird that Nathan & Nicole are hitched...it seems like just yesterday he was an annoying little 15 year old who thought he knew it all. He still thinks he knows it all, but at least he's not annoying anymore! On a serious note, they are such a cute couple and we are so happy for them.

Our trips home are always so bittersweet. It's so nice to see the friends that we miss so much, but every time we go home it's also a reminder that St. Louis is a completely different world from Madison and our life is here now. We miss so much about St. Louis, but we know that if we were still there we would be miserable.


Time with Missy and Co. is always my #1 priority when I'm home. I hate that I'm missing out on the kids growing up and always feel so happy when I see them and they're happy to see me. It's nice to know they haven't forgotten me (yet).My favorite little guy in the whole wide world
It was a quick trip, so besides our mutual friends that were at the wedding and time with Dale & Missy we didn't really get to see anyone else. We were asked to be the guest worship leaders at Hope Vineyard on Sunday morning before we headed back to Madison and it was so weird to be there again and see all those familiar faces. It kinda felt like we had never left.

It was such a strange trip and to be perfectly honest kind of depressing. For some reason it seemed like everyone we talked to only had bad news to tell us about the things that were going on in their lives and it was so emotionally draining. That made it all the much easier to come back home to Madison though. We've been to St. Louis a lot this summer, but I think this was our last trip for awhile. I'm still trying to decide if that makes me happy or sad.

Okay, I just couldn't resist....one more picture of the cutest little guy EVER....and no, I'm not talking about Steve, although he is quite the hottie!

Last night was the first time that I've ever been in the house alone in all of the 10 months we've owned it - that is, with the exception of the few days after we bought our house and before Dale & Jacqueline moved in. Dale and Jacq are out of town for a few days and Steve was out with a friend. It was such a strange feeling to be the only person home and I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself.

Cleaning, laundry and packing for our trip to St. Louis was at the top of the list. After that though I just felt so lost in our quiet house that it almost made me uncomfortable. I decided to watch a movie and halfway through realized that if I really wanted to I could stretch out and take up the whole couch since I didn't have to share my space. Oh, I was living dangerously!

I'm looking forward to our whirlwind of a quick trip to St. Louis this weekend. Thanks to the long hours I've been working, (on Wednesday I didn't even get home until 8:00 pm!) I decided to leave work a bit early today so we can get to town before midnight. I hate that it will be such a quick trip, but I'm really looking forward to seeing friends...too bad we won't get to see everyone we wanted too though.


My cousin Liss got sent to Korea this weekend. She's in the air force and has made it through 2 tours in Iraq and has lived all over the world these last few years. She's such a special girl and we couldn't be more proud of her. She'll hopefully only be in Korea for a year before she heads to Germany for a few years....can't wait for that as I've been itching to get back to Germany lately and would love any excuse I can get to head over there for a visit. Germany is one of those places in the world where I feel the happiest and wouldn't mind a bit if for some reason we ended up moving there some day. One can only hope though...

We had a good but busy weekend. Brad, Alma and the kids came to stay with us on Friday and headed home to St. Louis on Saturday afternoon. Saturday consisted of an early afternoon Hurling match against Milwaukee for Steve and then an afternoon at Brocach with 100% of the beer profits helping the O'Connell kids (children that were in a recent car accident in which both of their parents were killed. The mother was on Steve's hurling team). Let's just say the guys on the Hurling teams made it their responsibility to drink up....only because it was "for the children" though. Yeah right!

Here lately I feel like I've just been waiting for the weekends to end because I've been so tired from all the busyness. The work week hasn't been much better, but at least I can normally force myself to go to bed at a semi-decent hour. Hopefully after this week things will begin to slow down again just a little bit at work and I'll be able to sleep better rather than waking up in the middle of the night only to think about all the things I need to get done at the office.

Yesterday was Missy's 30th birthday and I'm so sad that I wasn't able to celebrate with her. I miss her being in my life so much and sometimes just want to pack up and move back to St. Louis just to see her, Dale and the kids on a regular basis again. I'm looking forward to this weekend and our date at the best breakfast place in all of St. Louis on Saturday morning!