grateful

Thanksgiving is so different this year. I consider myself a pretty grateful person but this year I feel like I have so much to be thankful for and in different ways than I have had to be thankful for in the past.

I have become so much more thankful for my husband in the last few months and especially the last week. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and I really think it's true. Steve's been back with me for almost a week now and every time I see him smile I just can't hep but thank God that we are finally together again.
I used to see the glass half empty but I've found in the last year that I've come to see it half full. I was talking with a friend the other day and telling her just how grateful I am to God that He got me a job which allowed my husband to finally join me here and she didn't really understand why I was thankful when it's taken 2 1/2 months to find a job and God could have expedited the process. Well, I've also learned a lot in the process and although the last few months were really hard I really feel that God's timing was in it all. God knew what I could handle and had given me grace for the season and when I finally had gotten to the point where I was at the end of my rope and the grace had run out He got me a job. Now I'm here with my husband and am so thankful that God has given me this wonderful man to share life with and although the last few months were extremely difficult I feel that we've been learning lessons that will come in handy down the road.
This whole season has just made me extremely grateful, we're still in a pretty difficult situation financially until Steve has a job and there's other issues that have come up as well with our house, health and cars, but I am once again reminded that God has never ever in my 29 years of life let either of us down and I know that He will be faithful again - and for that I am grateful.

I'm grateful that we have a lot of lacks in our life. We left our closest friends, family, jobs, security, house and even our dog, but we know that God will fill all of the empty places in our hearts and where we lack, and because of that I can't help but thank Him in advance.

God has been so good to us and I know we have a lot of miracles that need to take place before us, but I can't help but be thankful because I just know that it will all be fine. I'm so thankful for the great future that God has in store for us, we might not see the big picture now, but I don't doubt for a second that our God is working on putting those puzzle pieces together and that makes my heart happy.

snow

This is what I woke up to this morning. Can someone please tell me why us summer loving Rodriguez' decided to move up north again???

I have a feeling it's going to be a very long winter...

Finally!

sharing some ice cream at Ella's Deli with Dale & Jacq over the weekend.

Steve is here. These last few days have been so great. It's been so nice to just relax and enjoy having here him rather than emotionally prepare myself for him to leave the next day like I've had to do so many times in these last few months as he's come to visit.

I just can't help but be happy all of the time because I truly feel so blessed by God to finally have my husband here with me. Yes, our situation in still a little rough with Steve having no job and us having no health insurance, but I really just don't feel bothered by any of that as I'm just so happy to have my husband back that none of that really seems to matter anymore.

I just can't seem to stop smiling and am finally feeling like I can start settling into life here and make Madison home now that my better half is here with me. God is so good! These last few months have been so rough, but I have learned and grown so much that all I can do is be grateful to God for everything he's done in me and Steve. I have always been so grateful for my husband, but this experience had made me even more grateful for him. I know it sounds cheesy, but I kind of feel like I did when Steve and I were dating. Just seeing him smile makes me giddy and I'm sure it's so funny for Dale & Jacq to watch.

So, now we're off to start a new day and I can't help but feel unstoppable. God has been faithful to us again and it gives me hope for our future and all of the unknowns that are before us. Even though I'm sure there will be some bumps along the road I know that it will all work out beautifully!

At Last.....

My love has come along, my lonely days are over!

I FINALLY have a job and my dear sweet Steve can join me here in Madison. Just when I thought I couldn't last another day like this God has once again shown his faithfulness to us.
I start tomorrow and Steve's last day at JMM will be on Wednesday. His boss has been more than accomodating with our situation and soon as Steve told him this afternoon that I'd found a job he said he could leave immediately if he wanted. We are so grateful for Steve's wonderful job and the wonderful people that He works with but a little sad to that he has to leave such a great work environment too. So, Steve is going to stick around until Wednesday while he packs up the rest of his stuff in St. Louis and then will head here on Wednesday night after he gets off work. This time it's not for a visit though, it's FOR GOOD!

Seriously, I am so overwhelmed with excitement over God's goodness to us. These last 10 weeks of living on my own in a new place has been so very hard, but I know that in that time God has refined my character so much and for that I'm grateful.
We still have a lot of unknowns and still need some major miracles (a job for Steve, health insurance, ect) but just knowing that Steve will be here with me to handle all of those unknowns is the most comforting thought in the world.

I love my husband so much and have always been so grateful for him, but these last 2 1/2 months of being all alone has made me even so much more grateful to God for the wonderful man that He's brought me.

I am so ready for this new season to begin - a season of trusting God even more and learning to rely on his goodness to fill our every need.

just another lonely weekend..

Since I've been up here in Madison I've come to hate the weekends. For some reason they're lonelier than during the week even if I have stuff going on. Steve & I usually cherish our weekends - especially Saturday and it just sucks being here and knowing he's back in StL and we're not together.
I am so ready for this season to be over. It seems like it's getting harder every day. It's nice having Dale & Jacq here because at least it's not so quiet, but in some ways it makes me miss Steve even more as I watch them explore the city and get adjusted here together. It sucks for us that I've had to get adjusted on my own and then once Steve gets here I'll already be used to a new city and he'll have to get used to it on his own.
I just miss him so much and would do just about anything in the entire world to have him here with me. These last 2 weeks have been especially hard and here lately it just feels like every passing day without him here gets worse and worse.

I'm just so frustrated with our situation and feel like I'm constantly asking God what He's doing and what it is He's trying to teach me through this season. Whatever it is I just wish I knew what it was so I could get to learning and move on - with my husband here that is.
I had 2 more job interviews today - one was a second interview that sounds promising and another was a first interview that sounded like they were interested in setting up a second interview. I really don't think I have all the skills for the place I had the first interview at today, so I'd be kind of surprised if that one worked out. At this point I'll just take pretty much any job as long as it means my husband can finally move here and we can live together again.

I'm really trying to hang in there and be positive, but I have my moments where I just want to cry because I'm so frustrated, lonely, sad, discouraged and feel downright hopeless. I keep praying that this season would end soon, but it's been 9 weeks of saying that prayer and I just feel at a loss at to what I should do next.

I guess in the meantime I'll just try and get some sleep and enjoy the fact that I have a huge bed all to myself...then again it's hard to enjoy that fact when having a huge bed all to myself is the very reason I can't fall asleep in the first place. *sigh*

So many choices....

I woke up this morning just feeling blah. It's kind of one of those morning where I just don't want to face the day. In fact, I'm still just laying here in bed.

I just feel tired - not physically but emotionally. I feel that my emotions have been so unstable these last few weeks. One minute I'm choosing to be positive and believe that the glass really is half full and then the next minute something blows me over and I just don't know if I'll ever see that light at the end of the tunnel. It's so exhausting making the daily choice to believe good things and sometimes I feel like my mind is a constant battlefield.

In my heart though I know the reality - that God is with me and really everything is going to be allright, it's just continually choosing to walk in that that gets hard. Sometimes it's just so much easier to let discouragement set in and wallow in self pity.

So here I am, afraid to get out of bed knowing that once my feet touch the ground I don't really know what's in store for me in this day, and I'm trying to be okay with that. I know that half the battle is perspective and I'm just not quite sure I have enough of that today. I know that the choice is mine though. If I choose to make it a crappy day then no matter what happens it will be crappy. On the other hand if I choose to believe good things the day might still be crappy, but at least then I won't be a bummer to be around and that also will allow the opportunity for good things to happen rather than for me to just wallow in myself and feel like I'll never get a break like I allow myself to feel on so many other days. Really I'm realizing that daily the choice is mine and I'm disappointed that so many times I take the easy way out.

I think I'm going to take the high road and choose to believe in the good. God really is for me and I know that if I let him He can make something beautiful out of this day. So here goes....

Proof that nice people really do exist

We've had a lot of problems with the heating system in our new house. In the last 2 weeks I've already had someone out 3 different times to try and figure out what the problem is.
Anyway, yesterday we had a guy out to look at some stuff and he found one of the problems that was unrelated to our original problem and gave me a quote on what it would cost to fix (which was well over $300.00). I set up an appointment and this morning he came back to do the work and not only took $70 off the initial estimate he gave me yesterday but also told me that he'd put in a good word for me to the HR Recruiter after I mentioned that I saw his company had an opening for an office person that I had just sent my resume over for.

It was just refreshing to meet someone nice. I have felt so alone being here without Steve and having to deal with all this house stuff on my own and have talked to so many rude people here in Madison that seem like they just want to get as much money out of me as they can, so it was nice to actually finally meet someone that was nice and it made my whole day.

It doesn't take a whole lot to put me in a better mood. Now I'm off to face the day and am hoping for good things.

Something about those tunes...

I had a great night and it was so refreshing. My friend Katie decided that for a house warming gift she'd take to see one of my favorite musicians in the whole world that happened to be coming to Madison.
One of Katie's friends was having an art show down at a gallery on State street tonight as well, so we hit that up first and then headed over to the Barrymore to see Amos Lee.

It was SO good. I love music and i love this guy's voice. He's a been fave of Steve and I's for awhile.
Sometimes when I go to concerts of artists whose albums I really like I get really nervous. I feel so scared that I'll hate them when I see them live and it will forever ruin my enjoyment of their album. It really is the true test to see if an artist is just someone singing with lots of effects or if they really are as great as they sound on their CD.

Amos Lee did not disappoint. Seriously, he was amazing. Katie wasn't really that familiar with his music and even she said he made it on to her top 5 favorite concerts list (and she goes to A LOT of concerts).

It really was just what I needed after having a rough few weeks. I don't know what it is about music, but it is so therapeutic for me. I feel so connected to God when I'm listening to good music, regardless of if the musician is "spiritual" or not. Music moves me in a way nothing else can. Sometimes just hearing a beautiful melody can bring me to tears and I'm not that emotional of a person.

So, I had a great night listening to some great tunes. It was so refreshing to forget all my worries and just enjoy listening to some amazing musicians (seriously, the keyboard player was awesome - and he even played a crappy Roland, and the drummer only had 1 tom and it took me listening to two songs before I even noticed). I really needed this tonight and feel much better after my bummer of a day. I'm so glad that God invented music, I just couldn't imagine life without it.

You Never Change...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. That's what happens when you don't have a job or husband around to hang out with - you think because you have tons of free time.

Anyway...this morning I was just thinking about how God never changes. I've been so frustrated with some of the circumstances of life right now. Namely being the above mentioned lack of job and husband in my life. These last few weeks have been really frustrating, discouraging and just all around hard. It seems like I'm constantly asking God "what are you doing?" and haven't seem to get very many answers.
This morning as I was drinking my morning cup of tea and watching the leaves fall off the tree in our front yard I started thinking about how stable and consistent God is. As a nation we're in a very unstable time right now, as an individual I'm also in a very unstable state. I'm not a huge fan of surprises and prefer to plan rather than fly by the seat of my pants.
One thing I'm so grateful for though is that God never changes. I was reminded this morning of all the great times in my life where everything seemed just perfect and nothing could move me and it was then that I remembered that God is the same God now as He was then. Maybe life's a little uncertain right now, but when I look at the big picture I know that in 5 years I'll look back and see that it all turned out beautifully.
In the midst of all my discouragement that gives me so much hope to hold on to right now. I still don't what exactly God is doing, but I know that I can trust Him and all I can really do at this point is take one day at a time - and for that I choose to be glad.

Today is the day....

...to get out and VOTE! We've been preparing for this day for months now and I'm so anxious to see what the outcome of this very historical election will be. I found out that you can register at the polling place here in Wisconsin, which I am very excited about! I was so bummed when I thought I couldn't vote so when I heard the news that all I need to bring with me is a copy of a bill showing my new address I was so stoked. I'm not looking forward to the big lines at the polling place though.

I think I am probably one of the few people in all of Madison that will be voting for McCain. Wisconsin as a state is more conservative, but Madison as a city is much more liberal. Abortion is a very important issue for me and I just can't vote for Obama because of his stance on that issue. To be perfectly honest though, I'm really not thrilled with either candidate.
I love how the elections bring communities together though. My friend Katie was over the other day and she's a huge Obama supporter and she was telling all about the different ways she's got involved and been able to get out and meet and people through joining groups that address postcards to people in the area or different events like that. She's actually joined a "Women For Obama" group and loves it. Because I didn't think I could even vote in Wisconsin I haven't really got involved, but I've loved hearing how this election has brought back a real sense of community for her to our community.

Speaking of community...I believe I'm going to join our neighborhood association group. They meet once a month and also have park clean up days or different events throughout the month. Even though I'm new to the area, I want to get involved and be a neighbor that actually does good things for the community rather than just sits on my butt and complains about all the problems. I emailed the association director yesterday and should be hearing back soon regarding what I can do to help. I've noticed that the particular neighborhood we moved to is kind of in a transition place where the neighborhood will either get better or worse but not stay the same. I'm praying that things will get better. It's not a bad neighborhood by any means, but it definitely seems like it needs a little attention.

Anyway, I'm off to vote - and then I'm heading straight to Starbucks to redeem my free coffee from voting! Hopefully that will start my day off right!

Halloween and our house...

My Halloween was a little depressing this year. Ever since Hannah has been born we normally have a big Halloween bash at our place and give out candy and hang out with friends. I woke up on Friday morning a little blue because I realized that it would be the first Halloween where I wouldn't be able to see Hannah & Ava all donned up. This year they were both princesses.
I did get to skype them just before they went trick or treating and see them in their costumes, but seeing them live over a computer monitor is just not the same as being with them live and in person. I can't believe how much I miss those little girls.

My Halloween in Madison was pretty uneventful, our new home is apparently in a big trick or treating area as we had so many kids stop by that I actually ran out of candy. Later on in the evening I went over to Ben & Katie's to hang out and they got a lot of late night trick or treaters there. I was surprised that some of these young kids were still out trick or treating at 10:00. Is that a sign that I'm getting older?

Things with the house are coming a long okay. It's been sad unpacking everything here by myself and I so wish Steve was here with me. I've got our bedroom, our bathroom, the kitchen and the living room finished all except for pictures on the wall. I was finally able to get the nasty dog crap smell out of the basement just in time for Dale & Jacq to move in next week.
There's so much that I can't do on my own though, so I've literally have boxes stacked up to the ceiling in Steve's guitar room (aka the second guest room) for him to take care of once he gets here. It's been so comforting to see our stuff and have something familiar here in Madison.

I've spent the last few nights at our news house and I'm actually really sad to be moving out of Jeff & Lindsay's. It's amazing to me that I had no clue that these people even existed 3 months ago and now they've become like my second family. I'm so sad to be moving out of their basement and will miss them so much. Luckily our new place isn't that far away so we'll be able to hang out a lot. Liindsay called today to see if I wanted to come over for dinner and said Jeff got a little teary eyed yesterday after I stopped by to get some stuff and he realized that I wouldn't be coming home to stay there anymore. They are such great people and I am so glad that I've been able to get to know them these last 2 months.

So far unfortunately I'm still without a job. Tomorrow I'll be going in to my 2 month anniversary here and I'm so bummed that I still have no job and no Steve here with me! This separation is getting more difficult every day and I can't wait for the day when I live in the same state as my husband again. I have had 2 interviews for a job that I'd really like to get and should probably have some news tomorrow regarding who they've decided to hire for the position. I'm really hoping and praying that they choose me! I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but I want to be positive and believe God for good things at the same time. Hopefully within the next few days i might have some good news. Until then though, I'll keep on pining away here at the house and try to get things in order a little a bit.