I've finally found a little time, and not much energy to check in.

I feel like I've been constantly waiting for this second wind that is supposed to arrive with the the second trimester to greet me, but instead I feel like I've almost felt worse than I did in my first trimester. I've been so exhausted that I just don't have much motivation for anything. It doesn't help that I've had horrible headaches and have been very sensitive to light and sound. I try to keep up with the laundry and housework, but that's about the extent of my life right now.  Steve was used to dinner being ready when he got home from work, and now he's lucky if I even take some chicken out of the freezer to defrost. I live off of yogurt, fruit and granola during the daytime and whatever Steve can whip up for dinner in the evening.
I feel like such a bad wife, but being pregnant seems so much harder this time around. It doesn't help that Asher is into everything now that he's crawling.

Enough of my complaining though, life is still good and as much as I hate being pregnant, I'm so happy for this little baby inside of me.

Lots has been happening lately and I feel like my heart has been tugged in many different directions. I feel like I've experienced the irony of both rejoicing with those who rejoice and grieving with those who grieve. My heart has been torn as I celebrate new life with friends that have finally received the precious baby that they have been waiting to adopt for many months now, but I have also grieved with others as they mourn the unexpected loss of a loved one. My heart has felt the ups and downs of both and it has just given me a reminder to really take joy in the joyous seasons of life because we never know when the season may change. I've found that joy can fade much easier than grief. Grief is consuming and doesn't take any effort to experience, while joy is more fleeting and harder to maintain. I so wish sometimes that the joy came just as easy as the grief. For now though, all that I know is that it's what we do with the ups and downs in the life that defines us, not the ups and downs themselves.

I've learned through some of my own personal struggles lately that I really need to look at the big picture. It's so easy to be focused on the now, but when life doesn't seem to be going the way we had envisioned, what we do in the "now" can radically change our future. As I've been processing a few things, I've been trying to make the choices that don't bring about a "quick fix" but instead will build my character and make me more whole as a human being. Sometimes I long for the easy way out, but I know that in the long run that only makes life more complicated. I've found myself missing my grandfather and all his nuggets of wisdom. How I wish that I would have paid more attention to the life lessons he taught me when I was younger!