...........
Last night I had a dream - dreaming is weird for me because it's not often that I have dreams so when I do usually God is trying to tell me something.
This is what happened in short form....
I was with a few people in a huge corporate office building and all of the sudden there were people with guns all over the place taking people hostage. I remember I was with Missy and we were running all over the place trying to find a place to hide. We finally found an elevator and were trying to get to the ground floor to escape the building. On the way down to the ground floor the elevator stopped on another floor.
At this point a woman with a gun got in the elevator with Missy and I. First she asked for all of our id's and money and took our wedding rings.
Next we stopped at a different floor and another man with a gun got on the elevator. I remember they were trying to seperate Missy and I, and I kept pleading with them and was yelling at them that she had 2 baby girls that needed her and they needed to let her go. I remember them pulling Missy off the elevator and then I woke up in a huge house that was kind of like a compound. There were lots of other prisoners there but none of them I knew. I remember being outside in a courtyard and from there in the distance far away could see my house.
I remember I was pleading with these captors that I needed to call my huband to tell him that I loved him. Days turned into weeks and with time my intensity to call Steve grew. I just wanted to find a way to let him know that I was alive and okay and that I loved him. It wasn't even that I need to call him to try and figure out a way to escape. In my dream I remember feeling so devasted that I wasn't able to somehow send a sign to Steve that I loved him.
I was so scared.
When I woke up this dream felt so real to me and I was still scared.
After Steve got up I started telling him about my dream and almost started crying because I was still so upset.
Steve left for work I started doing some dishes as part of my morning ritual - and all the sudden though I had this horrible thought......through the whole ordeal in my dream I was so desperate for these captors to let Missy go, and then I was so desperate to call Steve but in neither of these instances did I once stop and think about God and ask for his help.
I know it was a dream and I can't beat myself up for what I did in a dream but somehow I feel that this is how life has been lately.
I've been so burnt out and feeling without purpose. The circumstances of life have somehow kept me stuck in a rut that I can't seem to get out and instead of drawing near to God and really seeking his perspective I throw up a few quick " guide and help me Lord" prayers every now but they seem to be prayers that don't really seem to come from within the depths of me.
I am in a very desperate place of life right now with feeling so unsettled and now more than ever do I need the perspective of the one who made me. Instead though my wheels keep on spinning in that rut and I keep on living life the way I am with no change. I know that I'm not in the place that I'm supposed to be but I'm too scared to get out of that rut so instead I feel desperate without any desperation.
My approach to life right now really is quite ridiculous.
I need perspective but I need to open my eyes and look for that perspective through the eyes of Jesus. It's so easy to rely on the things I've learned in the past and experiences I've walked through to continue to guide me today, but that's not always God's heart for me. Maybe this time He is wanting to teach me a few things in a way that I'm not used to learning.
I'm beginning to realize that it's time to sit back and embrace all that God has for me through this time rather than to fight it. Whether it be hardship, sorrow, pain or joy I want remain right where I'm supposed to be and get all out of this time that I can.
This is what happened in short form....
I was with a few people in a huge corporate office building and all of the sudden there were people with guns all over the place taking people hostage. I remember I was with Missy and we were running all over the place trying to find a place to hide. We finally found an elevator and were trying to get to the ground floor to escape the building. On the way down to the ground floor the elevator stopped on another floor.
At this point a woman with a gun got in the elevator with Missy and I. First she asked for all of our id's and money and took our wedding rings.
Next we stopped at a different floor and another man with a gun got on the elevator. I remember they were trying to seperate Missy and I, and I kept pleading with them and was yelling at them that she had 2 baby girls that needed her and they needed to let her go. I remember them pulling Missy off the elevator and then I woke up in a huge house that was kind of like a compound. There were lots of other prisoners there but none of them I knew. I remember being outside in a courtyard and from there in the distance far away could see my house.
I remember I was pleading with these captors that I needed to call my huband to tell him that I loved him. Days turned into weeks and with time my intensity to call Steve grew. I just wanted to find a way to let him know that I was alive and okay and that I loved him. It wasn't even that I need to call him to try and figure out a way to escape. In my dream I remember feeling so devasted that I wasn't able to somehow send a sign to Steve that I loved him.
I was so scared.
When I woke up this dream felt so real to me and I was still scared.
After Steve got up I started telling him about my dream and almost started crying because I was still so upset.
Steve left for work I started doing some dishes as part of my morning ritual - and all the sudden though I had this horrible thought......through the whole ordeal in my dream I was so desperate for these captors to let Missy go, and then I was so desperate to call Steve but in neither of these instances did I once stop and think about God and ask for his help.
I know it was a dream and I can't beat myself up for what I did in a dream but somehow I feel that this is how life has been lately.
I've been so burnt out and feeling without purpose. The circumstances of life have somehow kept me stuck in a rut that I can't seem to get out and instead of drawing near to God and really seeking his perspective I throw up a few quick " guide and help me Lord" prayers every now but they seem to be prayers that don't really seem to come from within the depths of me.
I am in a very desperate place of life right now with feeling so unsettled and now more than ever do I need the perspective of the one who made me. Instead though my wheels keep on spinning in that rut and I keep on living life the way I am with no change. I know that I'm not in the place that I'm supposed to be but I'm too scared to get out of that rut so instead I feel desperate without any desperation.
My approach to life right now really is quite ridiculous.
I need perspective but I need to open my eyes and look for that perspective through the eyes of Jesus. It's so easy to rely on the things I've learned in the past and experiences I've walked through to continue to guide me today, but that's not always God's heart for me. Maybe this time He is wanting to teach me a few things in a way that I'm not used to learning.
I'm beginning to realize that it's time to sit back and embrace all that God has for me through this time rather than to fight it. Whether it be hardship, sorrow, pain or joy I want remain right where I'm supposed to be and get all out of this time that I can.
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