9/11

I remember that day 5 years ago. Not only was it a day that changed our history but it also was a time in my life where my history was changing too.
So much has changed since then.
I remember that day flying over to Germany. I left from Dallas late in the evening on Sept. 10th. I remember first flying in Brussels on the morning of Sept 11 and having a layover there. I was half asleep but I remember boarding the plane to continue on in to Munich and as I was waiting for take off I noticed a lot of airport security people outside the airport. Our plane left and landed like normal but I remember that life seemed different when I got off the plane in Munich.
The friends that were picking us up seemed really somber but I wasn't sure why. The whole airport in fact seemed the same way but I thought maybe it was just because it was rainy day.
We got our baggage and headed back to the house where we would be staying for the next month and that's when our friends told us what was happening back in the USA. We watched CNN for a few hours in disbelief.
What a weird day to have traveled from the US over to Europe. I just wanted to go home. I never had in my life experienced such a strange feeling of fear.

That was only the beginning of the change that would happen in my life that week.
At that time in my life I was living in Texas but pretty much lived out of my suitcase. I played in a band called the Warrior Poets and we toured around about 9 months out of the year. That summer had been a summer of re-evaluating things in my life. I remember feeling burned out and wanted to just live a normal life. I was sick of traveling. I took a few weeks off to gain some perspective and felt really engergized. I really felt like I was to continue to travel with this band and for the first time in awhile I was really excited about it and really wanted to pour my heart into what I was doing again - a feeling i hadn't felt for some time.

So I traveled to Europe - full of hope and excitement for the future. First there was 9/11 - how strange that was and I don't think i've ever been a jumble of so many emotions prior to that day. Also prior to that day I hadn't been much of a patriotic person - in fact quite often I ridiculed how ridiculous our country seemed to me at times. After 9/11 though my perspective changed and I realized how strong our country was and now am often times brought to tears when I hear the national anthem.

What happened to me next that week personally though really changed my life. That was the week I found out I would be moving to St. Louis. After getting all this perspective and feeling good about what I was doing I was told that our band would no longer be a band. The leaders would be moving to St. Louis to work with the youth at the Vineyard church here and they wanted me to come with them.
I remember feeling so overwhelmed with fear. I loved my life in Texas, I loved the friends that had become like family to me, and I absolutely loved what I was doing. I remember when I first moved to Texas from Montana I though that I was would spend the rest of my life in Texas because I was so happy there.
My life seemed to have so much purpose and moving to a new place seemed out of the question to me.
Regardless of what I decided to do life was about to change for me drastically. I spent the new few weeks over in Europe battling in my mind what I was going to do. I remember being more scared than I had ever been before.
Finally after quite a process I decided that I guess I didn't have anything to lose so I might as well move. At the time I never could have imagined how hard that transition was going to be for me. Looking back I'm glad I had no clue that I was about to go into the hardest time of my life. My first 2 years here in St. Louis were absolutely miserable. I hated everything about that time of my life.
Now my perspective had changed - I've met a wonderful man that I get to spend the rest of my life with and St. Louis feels like home. Ironically 5 years later though my heart still sometimes hurts to be back in Texas.

So every year since 9/11 I not only remember what happened to our country that day but I remember the life that I used to have, the life I miss but still that life that I now love and I'm reminded that regardless of what happens to me or where I go God is always with me.